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‘My boyfriend wants to get married but he still lives at home’ – The Blind Spot

Katlego Sekhu

'My boyfriend wants to get married but he still lives at home' – The Blind Spot
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A listener shares that her boyfriend has communicated his intention to get married. However, there’s a slight issue, he doesn’t have his own place.

While he expects her to move in with him and his parents, she wants a place of her own and is not ready to give up her privacy for marriage.

Reaching out to The Best T in the City with Tbose, Anonymous wants to know if there are any blind spots she could be overlooking.

“Uncle T, this year my boyfriend opened his heart to me about wanting to make me his wife. He shared his deep des to settle down, become a husband, and build a family. I had no issue with that-my life is stable, I love it, and with I vision and values, we are truly aligned.

“However, now that marriage is a real possibility, fear is starting to creep in. I never imagined getting married at 24. plan has always been to enjoy my prime years-my twenties. What’s adding to my anxiety is that he suggests we me into his family home after marriage, where his older brother also lives. The idea is that we stay there while we save our own place. His family is excited, hoping l’ll bring a “feminine touch” to the house.

“But I’m not comfortable with this. I told him honestly-I want to enjoy him. I want to enjoy our marriage, just the ti of us. I want to build, grow, and define my role as a wife without outside influences. I’m also someone who gets emotionally drained by the presence and energy of others. Even in my own family home, I need solitude and spac The thought of being in a house where I might feel obligated to perform makoti duties-cleaning, cooking, catering everyone-overwhelms me.

“He said he’d think about it, and his priority is my happiness. But in every conversation, he still talks as if me living his family house is a given. I’m afraid he didn’t really hear me. I cherish my independence. I find peace in doing m own thing, in solitude. I’m scared I won’t be able to meet his family’s expectations of what a wife or daughter-in-la should be-especially given their excitement around me becoming the makoti.

“It’s a non-negotiable for me that we start our marriage in our own space. I don’t want to resent our marriage or lo: myself in the process of trying to manage family dynamics. This is a genuine fear. So, could this be cold feet about marriage-or something deeper? Does becoming a wife come naturally, or should it be built on conditions that honour who I am?”

For the full discussion, listen to the podcast.

Read Next: SASSA grant payments for June set to begin on June 3rd

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