‘By Zuko Komisa
Anonymous is struggling with a profound sense of betrayal after a trusted church group friend disclosed her secret search for her child, given up for adoption to other members under the guise of asking for prayer, leaving her feeling exposed and questioning whether she has a right to be hurt given her friend’s well-meaning intentions.
‘Uncle T, I’ve been part of the same women’s group at the church for over 10 years. Over time, we’ve become very close. We pray together, celebrate birthdays, visit each other, and I’ve truly found sisters in this group. There is one part of my life that almost nobody knows about. When I was 14, I fell pregnant.
I was still a child, my mom wasn’t working, and I never knew my father. I knew I couldn’t raise a baby, so after giving birth to a little girl, my mom and I made the painful decision to have her adopted. I eventually built my life, got married and had two children. But as my children grew, so did my longing to find my daughter. Earlier this year, I decided to actively search for her. It was a huge emotional step, so I confided in one of the women in my church group and asked her to pray for me and give me strength. I made it very clear that I wasn’t ready for anyone else to know.
I hadn’t even told my husband or children. A few weeks later, another woman from the group sent me a message: “Sis, I just want you to know that we’re praying for you. You will find your daughter.” I froze. I hadn’t told anyone. When I confronted the woman I had confided in, she admitted that she had told two other women that “one of our sisters has a very personal family situation involving her child and needs prayer.” She said she didn’t share the details about my pregnancy or adoption. She only shared enough for them to understand why I needed prayer.
The two women also shared this; now several people in the group know. What makes this difficult is that I know this woman is a good person. She genuinely thought she was helping. But her good intentions have left me exposed. I keep thinking, I trusted her with something I had kept private for decades, and she broke that trust without asking me. Am I overreacting for feeling betrayed? Or should I forgive and be grateful that not all the details were shared? Or is there a question I should be facing here?
– Anonymous’
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