Katlego Sekhu
A listener recently found out that her husband fathered a child outside their marriage under unfavourable circumstances, and to make matters more complicated, her husband revealed that the child would be moving in with them in the coming year.
In her quest to find peace amidst the chaos, the listener has presented her husband with an ultimatum: “Either me or your child.” Seeking guidance, she wants to know if she’s gone overboard.
“About two weeks ago, we drove to the Northwest to attend my father-in-law’s funeral. When we got there, my husband told me he had fathered a child outside of our marriage. To say I was shocked would be a lie. He further told me that the child constantly visits his parents and that the child will be attending the funeral with his mother.
“I felt betrayed. What hurt me the most was that all these people were laughing with me. The day before the funeral, the child arrived with its mother, and everyone was just happy to see the child. That night, I cried myself to sleep. The day after the funeral, my mother-in-law called me to tell me to accept the child. Being the good makoti that I am, I just nodded as if everything was fine.
“A few nights after our return, he told me that the child will continue to visit us for the remainder of the year, and as of next year, the child will move in with us. No apology, and no time to take it all in. Honestly, he has been a great husband and a great father to our daughter. However, this time around, he hit me below the belt, and I gave him an ultimatum to choose between me and the child. Was I wrong to make him choose between him and his child? What could be my blind spot?”
Anonymous
One listener thinks that the wife’s blind spot is her inability to see her husband’s true colours. “What I can say to you is that your husband has never been faithful, and his family has been supporting him. Your blind spot is that you can’t see his true character because he is treating you well. But in reality, he doesn’t treat you well, so it is up to you to decide what decision you are taking. Do you demand respect because an ultimatum won’t work?”
Another listener believes the wife made a mistake by giving her husband an ultimatum. She explained, “Let’s say you and your husband separate, and now there is a new woman in the picture, and the woman gives him the same ultimatum. I understand that you are angry, and at the moment, it might have felt like the right thing to do. However, I don’t think it is. You and your family must sit down and talk about it. Don’t involve the child,” said the listener.
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