Katlego Sekhu
A listener shares that he fathered a child outside his marriage. His wife and family were deeply disappointed but eventually grew to accept the child. They decided that he should come to live with them, as their household was more stable.
However, years later, the listener feels his son is being treated unfairly by his wife compared to their daughters. He believes this may be because he shares his son with another woman. Looking back, he feels he may have been blind in thinking his wife would love his son as she does their children.
Reaching out to The Best T in the City with Tbose, Anonymous wonders if there are blind spots he might be overlooking.
“I stepped out of my marriage and had a child with another woman. I told my family when the baby mama was six months pregnant. Everyone was shocked and disappointed, but eventually they forgave me including my wife.
“When my son turned three, it was actually my wife who suggested that I bring him to live with us, since his mother wasn’t working and she felt he would gain more stability in our home. His mother agreed, and since then, my son has spent school holidays with her.
“Now he’s in grade 8, and I don’t know if l’ve been blind all along, but I really don’t like how my wife treats him. He seems to do far more chores than our daughters. She always sends him to the shops, pushes him to help around the house, and even complains that he eats too much. Meanwhile, our two girls – one in matric and the other in grade 9 – barely do anything at home.
“When I raised this with my wife, she insisted she treats the kids equally, but says she’s harder on my son because she wants him to be independent and know how to take care of himself. I also spoke to my son, and while he said he’s fine, I fear he might just be holding back.
“My biggest worry is that he might grow up resenting her – and even his siblings – because of this. Maybe I’m sensitive because I was raised by a stepmom myself, and there’s something familiar in the way my boy is treated.
“I know I was wrong for stepping out of my marriage, and I deserve any punishment that comes with that – but not my innocent son. Or could it be that my guilt is weakening my voice in my own home and clouding my judgment? What could be my blind spot?”
To hear the full blind spot, listen to the blind spot.
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