By: Natasha Archary
Relationships are tricky territory. Sometimes you get lucky and it works effortlessly, but more often than not it fizzles and you breakup. If you’re humble, you’ll accept that the breakup is your fault too.
If you were to review your past relationships, do you believe you were at fault for the relationship ending? That’s what Sizwe Dhlomo and the Kaya Drive team wanted to know.
While it’s natural to take a knee-jerk response to a breakup and blame the other person, it’s not a bad idea to introspect and take some accountability.
Breakups are never easy, whether you’re at the receiving end and being dumped or doing the dumping.
After all, it takes two to tango.
Also read: Kaya Drive – Decoding the dating excuses
Understanding what went wrong in the relationship will equip you to move on and have healthier relationships in future.
One might think it’s easier to end a relationship than being the one who is left behind. But the guilt you feel after hurting someone you once cared about can make it harder to get through.
On the flip side of the coin, the partner who is dumped is left feeling confused and rejected.
What is wrong with me?
What is it about me that she does not want anymore?
What could I have done differently to keep him interested?
Breakups almost always end with both people on bad terms. It can be messy and sometimes people self-sabotage their relationships because of reasons that have nothing to do with their partner.
Also read: Kaya Drive – 5 reasons you shouldn’t stay in a dead end relationship
5 signs your breakup is your fault
People get into relationships for various reasons – loneliness, what they’re gaining from their partner, convenience. Depending on where you are in your life and what you’re hoping to benefit from the relationship, it could be that you’re emotionally unavailable. This means you’re not really looking for an emotional connection.
You could just be scared to be lonely.
Relationship experts say that women generally make a noise when they’re still invested in a relationship. That’s when they want to bring their unhappiness to their partner’s attention. When she’s ready to leave the relationship however, her silence is deafening.
It’s why women generally do not take men back when they leave. They’ve had time to process the relationship in its entirety.
Men on the other hand simply become complacent in a relationship when they are no longer invested.
Does it feel like déjà vu? It’s almost like you hit the same relationship stumbling blocks every time, perhaps around the same time.
Maybe you notice there’s a pattern where you have 3 really amazing days and then you fight or argue for 2 days straight. A lack of consistency and healthy communication may mean that you’re to blame for the relationship ending.
It’s great to have stuff in common with your partner but if one or both of you has to change drastically for the other, ask yourself why.
It could be that you’re compensating for something just to keep the peace. Glossing over core issues in a relationship can lead to the problems growing.
You feel like you’re competing in a world of unrealistic expectations. It’s almost like there’s pressure on you to do right by your partner or hold them accountable for the actions of your ex’s.
It’s not fair to the person you’re with. If your insecurities are getting the better of you, it might be a good idea to take a break from dating and relationships altogether.
Also read: How to tell if you’re just the side piece
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