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Kaya Drive: 5 signs your breakup is your fault

By: Natasha Archary


Relationships are tricky territory. Sometimes you get lucky and it works effortlessly, but more often than not it fizzles and you breakup. If you’re humble, you’ll accept that the breakup is your fault too.

If you were to review your past relationships, do you believe you were at fault for the relationship ending? That’s what Sizwe Dhlomo and the Kaya Drive team wanted to know.

While it’s natural to take a knee-jerk response to a breakup and blame the other person, it’s not a bad idea to introspect and take some accountability.

Breakups are never easy, whether you’re at the receiving end and being dumped or doing the dumping.

After all, it takes two to tango.


Also read: Kaya Drive – Decoding the dating excuses

Understanding what went wrong in the relationship will equip you to move on and have healthier relationships in future.

One might think it’s easier to end a relationship than being the one who is left behind. But the guilt you feel after hurting someone you once cared about can make it harder to get through.

On the flip side of the coin, the partner who is dumped is left feeling confused and rejected.

What is wrong with me?

What is it about me that she does not want anymore?

What could I have done differently to keep him interested?

Breakups almost always end with both people on bad terms. It can be messy and sometimes people self-sabotage their relationships because of reasons that have nothing to do with their partner.

Also read: Kaya Drive – 5 reasons you shouldn’t stay in a dead end relationship

5 signs your breakup is your fault

  • You’re emotionally unavailable

People get into relationships for various reasons – loneliness, what they’re gaining from their partner, convenience. Depending on where you are in your life and what you’re hoping to benefit from the relationship, it could be that you’re emotionally unavailable. This means you’re not really looking for an emotional connection.

You could just be scared to be lonely.

  • You’re mentally checked out

Relationship experts say that women generally make a noise when they’re still invested in a relationship. That’s when they want to bring their unhappiness to their partner’s attention. When she’s ready to leave the relationship however, her silence is deafening.

It’s why women generally do not take men back when they leave. They’ve had time to process the relationship in its entirety.

Men on the other hand simply become complacent in a relationship when they are no longer invested.

  • There’s a pattern

Does it feel like déjà vu? It’s almost like you hit the same relationship stumbling blocks every time, perhaps around the same time.

Maybe you notice there’s a pattern where you have 3 really amazing days and then you fight or argue for 2 days straight. A lack of consistency and healthy communication may mean that you’re to blame for the relationship ending.

  • You changed or expected change

It’s great to have stuff in common with your partner but if one or both of you has to change drastically for the other, ask yourself why.

It could be that you’re compensating for something just to keep the peace. Glossing over core issues in a relationship can lead to the problems growing.

  • You have too many insecurities

You feel like you’re competing in a world of unrealistic expectations. It’s almost like there’s pressure on you to do right by your partner or hold them accountable for the actions of your ex’s. 

It’s not fair to the person you’re with. If your insecurities are getting the better of you, it might be a good idea to take a break from dating and relationships altogether. 

Also read: How to tell if you’re just the side piece

Written by: Natasha


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POPIA ActTo promote the protection of personal information processed by public and private bodies; to introduce certain conditions so as to establish minimum requirements for the processing of personal information; to provide for the establishment of an Information Regulator to exercise certain powers and to perform certain duties and functions in terms of this Act and the Promotion of Access to Information Act, 2000; to provide for the issuing of codes of conduct; to provide for the rights of persons regarding unsolicited electronic communications and automated decision making; to regulate the flow of personal information across the borders of the Republic; and to provide for matters connected therewith.


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  • regulate, in harmony with international standards, the processing of personal information by public and private bodies in a manner that gives effect to the right to privacy subject to justifiable limitations that are aimed at protecting other rights and important interests,
  1. Definitions and Interpretation

1.1.“Personal Information” means information relating to an identifiable, living, natural person and where it is applicable, identifiable, existing juristic person, including all information as defined in the Protection of Personal Information Act 4 of 2013. 

1.2  Parliament assented to POPIA on 19 November 2013. The commencement date of section 1Part A of Chapter 5section 112 and section 113 was 11 April 2014. The commencement date of the other sections was 1 July 2020 (with the exception of section 110 and 114(4). The President of South Africa has proclaimed the POPI commencement date to be 1 July 2020.

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1.4. “You” or the “user” means any person who accesses and browses this website for any purpose. 

1.4. “Website” means the website of the KAYA 959 at URL or such other URL as KAYA 959 may choose from time to time.   

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2.1. KAYA 959 respects your privacy. This privacy policy statement sets out KAYA 959’s information gathering and dissemination practices in respect of the Website. 

2.2. This Privacy Policy governs the processing of personal information provided to KAYA 959 through your use of the Website. 

2.3. Please note that, due to legal and other developments, KAYA 959 may amend these terms and conditions from time to time.  

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3.2. Where you submit Personal Information (such as name, address, telephone number and email address) via the website (e.g. through completing any online form) the following principles are observed in the processing of that information: 

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3.2.4. KAYA 959 will keep records of all personal Information collected and the specific purpose for which it was collected for a period of 1 (one) year from the date on which it was last used. 

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