Zuko Komisa
What men who have messed up need to do to fix things.
Let’s be honest relationships are complicated, and men have the hard end of the stick when they mess up.
Perhaps you get angry and tell a loved one to leave your life. There are children involved, finances are not in order, there’s so much that has gone wrong that seems so difficult to fix.
Being able to apologize is also a skill men need to master, and it does not make you weak. Even though it will hurt, taking this risk is necessary if you want to preserve cherished connections.
Phemelo Motene spoke to Nhlanhla and Magauta Zwane about what men who have messed up need to do to fix things in their relationship.
Also Read: “Was I wrong to buy a new car without consulting my unemployed husband?” : The Blind Spot
Listen to the full conversation here:
Men and fathers are all going through a lot in relationship, the Zwanes gave their perspective of how to fix messes.
Stop equating fatherhood to provision
“One of the biggest challenge we have is that most men equate fatherhood and parenting with provision. One father explained how his problems stem from his unemployment and that there are things they can’t afford. The truth is people have children, whether the have money to take care of them or don’t.”
“Fatherhood and provision is two different things, ordinarily they are supposed to go together, but in an imperfect world we live in they don’t go together, those two things are not congruent.”
Why most men walk away from their responsibilities
“You find that most men walked away from their responsibilities, not because their partners made it difficult. But they walked away because they felt incompetent. They don’t know that you can acquire competency, there are processes that you can subject yourself to.”
Men underestimate the impact their presence has on their child’s life.
“As women our usefulness in our child’s life really ends after we deliver them, children thrive in the presence of their fathers. Have you ever heard children bragging about their fathers.”
“Even a child who does gardening somewhere brags about their father the fact that even their father works. Many don’t under how their presence build a child. A lot of fathers underestimate what their presence does for a child’s life when they are still young and what it will do when the child gets older.”
READ NEXT: Increased credit stress crippling even the wealthiest
