Katlego Sekhu
Anonymous’s husband has been out of work and staying at home. His wife, who has been the sole breadwinner, bought a car for herself without consulting with him and this has dented their relationship. She wants to know if she is in the wrong.
“My husband got fired from his job, meaning I have been the sole breadwinner. Luckily, I earn well, so losing work didn’t affect us that much.
“Last month, I decided to trade in my old car and get myself a new ride. When I got home, my husband was not happy, saying that I had made a very impulsive decision and that I was very selfish for not consulting him because he is unemployed.
“I was a bit annoyed because when he fumbled at his job, not once did I degrade him, and I didn’t even tell him I had reduced his status to that of a household husband. I don’t know if I am being mean or inconsiderate, or was I wrong to spoil myself? Me getting a car didn’t affect us in any way,” Anonymous voiced her frustration.
One listener doesn’t think Anonymous was in the wrong for spoiling herself. “She is the one who is working,” he expressed. “The guy is just feeling left out because he is not working. If the guy was still employed, I doubt he would have any issues.”
Lawrence says they “don’t have a car or a lost job problem.” But “they have a communication problem about priorities and feelings. Fundamentally, they need to define if the things in their marriage are theirs or his or hers.”
A different listener believes Anonymous was in the wrong. “Because she is the only one working, she’s making decisions on her own, forgetting that they both agreed to get into the marriage. The decision will affect both of them in the long run. The fact that he is not working and that you are saying that he has ‘reduced his status to a househusband doesn’t sound right’. He is your husband, after all.
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