Kaya 959 Reporter
You are considering or about to get married in a traditional way and want to know more about what to do when you become a makoti.
It is well known in many African traditions that ukukotiza serves as the bride’s “induction time” into marriage and its obligations while she gets to know her future in-laws.
The makoti would typically be required to undertake “bridal tasks” that are of a domestic nature.
Point of View with Phemelo Motene spoke to marriage counsellor Magata Zwane who gave some perspective on being a Makoti and building a good relationship with your in-laws
LISTEN TO THE FULL CONVERSATION HERE:
“It is important that we understand why we come into the family we have come into. This is outside the fact that we came into the family through someone… I believe that that type of attitude is what gets us into hot waters.”
“The reality of the matter is, we are not an island. The whole concept of, me my husband and my two kids, it really doesn’t work in real life. You can only do that type of life for so long.”
On makoti’s obligation
“I honestly believe that everything can be negotiated in good faith. There is this saying that says, you teach people how to treat you. I also believe you relate to people long enough for them to understand why you are there.”
“One of the lines I hardly ever miss during counselling is women crying and saying ‘He doesn’t protect me against his family’….”
“This is usually because we are refusing to create relationships for ourselves with our in-laws, especially the most critical ones. the ones within the nucleus family you have been married into,” says Magauta.
Magauta also added a few tips and tricks on how to navigate new relationships.
She also shared how to navigate a family dynamic where certain family members don’t like you.