By: Natasha Archary
Becoming a parent is a big adjustment, which requires a lot from both parents. As you both navigate how you’re each changing to meet the needs of your little one(s) slowly your dynamic together also evolves.
Do you see your partner in a new way now that they are a mom or dad? Has this brought you closer together or pushed you apart?
Have you found ways to keep the romance alive?
You might need to reignite the flame in your relationship after having children.
Dr. Louise van Coller shares tips and advice for couples living in loveless and passionless marriages and relationships.
These are the biggest signs your relationship could be in trouble:
- Spending less and less time together
- There are more fights than fun in the relationship
- Doing things on your own or with friends and not your partner. Sometimes friends can be a good outlet, but it can become a pattern and couples may find that they don’t spend enough time together
- Bringing lots of work home or working at night and not having quality time
- Not taking an hour or two for your partner
- Not spending holidays together
- Sleeping in different rooms or different beds
- No longer needing your partner
- When partners don’t have fun anymore and the relationship feels like a chore
- A bad sex life. Having sex once or twice a month could be considered a bad sex life
- Not showing an interest in what your partner is doing anymore
- A lack of communication
- Your priorities change and you no longer consider your partner in decisions
The good news is that not all is lost and you can save your marriage. Dr. Coller says “If one person’s attitude changes, many times it ignites the other person as well to try and fill in or to get excited or to enjoy the newness of the other partner.”
Listen to the conversation on Drive 959:
These are some ways you can reignite the flame in your relationship after kids
Know each other’s love language
Understand your partner’s love language so you are aware of what you have to do to show that the love is still there and strong.
There are 5 love languages:
- words of affirmation
- acts of service
- receiving gifts
- quality time, and
- physical touch
Schedule time for your partner
Make regular quality time appointments in your diary. People carry on with work, life, and children and forget to make appointments to go out on date nights without friends and spend quality time alone.
Have sex regularly
We all experience dry spells. Married or not. There may be months where all you seem to want to do is frolic around with your person and then weeks where you don’t want any intimacy. Losing your sex drive is often not a sign that you no longer love your partner.
However, having regular sex is important to keep the flame burning.
Go on vacation
Travelling together without the kids where possible, can benefit your relationship and bring you closer together. Some one on one time together and a change of scenery can help couples rediscover what they love about their partner.
Also read: “I don’t get why my boyfriend wants me to repay the money he lent me” – The Blind Spot
