How to reignite the flame in your marriage

By Kaya 959 Lifestyle

A lot of people think that once a couple says their “I do’s” they live happily ever after.

But a successful marriage takes a lot of work. There will be many ups and many downs.

You might even need to reignite the flame back into your marriage.

Dr. Louise van Coller shares tips and advice for couples living in a loveless and passionless marriage.

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She says there are several signs your marriage could be in trouble:

Once the couple realises that they are spending less and less time together.
When there are more fights than fun in the relationship.
Doing things on your own or with friends and not your partner. Sometimes friends can be a good outlet, but it can become a pattern and couples may find that they don’t spend enough time together.
Bringing lots of work home or working at night and not really having quality time.
Not knowing how to spend two to three hours alone with each other without having wine or having friends as backup.
Not spending holidays alone and not being able to just be in each other’s company.
Sleeping in different rooms or different beds.
When couples realise that they don’t need each other.
When partners don’t have fun and the marriage just becomes quite serious.
A bad sex life. Having sex once or twice a month could be considered a bad sex life.
Not getting excited about each other anymore.
A lack of communication. Not actually sitting and talking after work and really sharing things. Spending so much time with the kids that they make little or no time just to spend time together.

But the good news is that not all is lost and you can save your marriage. Dr. Coller says “if one person’s attitude changes, many times it ignites the other person as well to try and fill in or to get excited or to enjoy the newness of the other partner.”

Let’s help you get back the fun, the passion, and the intense love you used to feel with these tips from Dr. Coller.

Know each other’s love language

“The first thing that I advise is to read the book , ‘The five love languages’ [by Gary Chapman], and to find out exactly what it is that the other person needs that maybe they have been missing,” says Dr. Coller.

The book talks about five ways to express love to your partner in a way he or she will understand. The five love languages are; words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time and physical touch.

Schedule time for your partner

“Make regular quality time appointments in your diary. People carry on with work, life, and children and forget to make appointments to really go out on date nights without friends and to just spend quality time alone.”

Have sex regularly

Sex plays a major role in relationships. Dr. Coller suggests that couples should have sex more than twice a month. “Obviously, I’d say try to have more sex and intimacy and whatever it was that your partner used to love, or your partner’s love language is. Discuss with your partner what used to turn him or her on.”

Coller says people should talk openly about sex, however, she says that it’s normally easier when a therapist can help a couple through it as many times there are parts that people don’t openly talk to each other about for the fear of conflict.

Go on vacation

“I’d advise people to go away on holiday without the kids at least once a year just to see why they actually chose each other and they chose to love each other. Many times they actually rediscover what it was that pulled them together because something I often see is that the same initial ingredient is still there in the relationship, and therefore they need to find it back and that’s not as difficult as they think. People seem to need to have help to see it.”