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Free your ‘O’ – why some women don’t orgasm

Free your o
Image: Pexels

By: Natasha Archary 

 

 

Had it not been for Alfred Kinsey’s modern sex research in 1948, we might not have reached the conclusion that women are less likely to climax. While men report orgasms in approximately 95% of heterosexual encounters, women on the other hand rated in between 50-70%.

 

Over the years psychologists, sociologists, gynaecologists and sex experts have weighed in on the discussion and pinned four variables as factors to a woman’s ability to reach an orgasm during intercourse. They are:

 

  • Demographics – Age, education and income. Apparently women who are over the age of twenty five are more likely to orgasm. The more educated and financially secure a woman is the greater her chances of having an orgasm.
  • Beliefs – Religious fundamentalism and traditional sexual roles for women have in the past contributed to women muting their sexual experiences. Sex was always about procreating, never an expression of desire.
  • Relationships – A happier relationship makes it easier for a woman to reach intimate highs with her partner. There’s a level of safety, comfort, love and trust. Many women are at ease in long term relationship to “get off” with their partner.
  • Sexual trauma – Sexual abuse/assault can cause a woman to be closed off to sex.

 

The 2013 TV series “Masters of Sex” touched on penetrative sex being inadequate for a woman to reach an orgasm. Where men thrive during penetrative hetero-intercourse, many women find penetration alone insufficient to reach heightened pleasure.

 

A man’s orgasm is not that complicated, relying on a balance between the parasympathetic and sympathetic nervous systems, to trigger a “fight or flight” response. Women, on the other hand require psychological, physiological and anatomic variation.

 

Penetration alone

Australian researchers interviewed over five thousand men and women in relation to the four factors above and how those affected intercourse, they found that only 50% of the women in the study had orgasms from penetrative sex alone. In stark contract 96% of the men polled had orgasms from penetrative sex.

 

The research suggests that 43% of women report a difficulty to climax, many attributing sexual difficulties to personal distress.

 

With extensive campaigns and products to treat male erectile dysfunction and zero for women, very little is done to highlight and address female sexual concerns, unless it relates directly to procreation.

 

Sex for leisure

In procreative sex, the focus is solely on the male ejaculating. In order for a woman to fall pregnant, the sperm need to tunnel through and find the fertile egg. A woman’s sexual organs have always been viewed as a “vessel” to accommodate a man’s sexual organ. It was always about getting him aroused and turned on enough so he climaxes, in order for him to get there in the end.

 

That was what sex was. So for years women were vessels to the penis and then incubators for their unborn children. Supressing her sexual wants because sex was not meant to be enjoyed.

 

Dr. Elizabeth Lloyd’s extensive research over the past eighty years and analysis of thirty three studies, further concludes that of the 50% of women who have orgasms occassionally, 20% seldom do and 5% never do.

 

Many women talk about losing their desire for sex. Being numb to their partners’ constant thrusting. Most of the women in the studies do not speak to their partners about their sexual needs.

 

These women are more than capable of climaxing alone, when masturbating but never with their partners or during pentetrative sex. None of the women polled have sex with their partners for leisure.

 

The female orgasm

The women surveyed preferred the use of hands, mouth and male genitalia during sex in order to climax. Only 30% of the men in the studies provided all three during intercourse. You’re doing it all wrong guys!

 

Men are of the belief that women “should” have orgasms during intercourse. This stems from a lack of sex education and the inaccuracy of pornography. The women in porn all look like they have orgasms at a man’s beck and call. When in actual fact they don’t.

 

Porn actresses – Nikki Delano, Kitty Stryker and Abigail Mac – have spoken out about never having an orgasm on camera, regardless of how long the intercourse lasted or how well endowed their male on-screen mate was.

 

Women are more likely to orgasm when there is direct clitoral stimulation, either with a hand massage or through cunnilingus – oral sex. Take the focus away from procreating and the experience could be more enjoyable for both men and women.

 

Free your ‘O’

There are medical conditions that can be linked to a woman’s inability to climax and these should not be ignored. If you suspect this is the case, it may be best to consult a specialist to iron out the cause and possibly find a solution that works for both you and your partner.

 

There are some women who have never orgasmed in their life and this is purely because they feel it’s safer to inhibit their sexuality. As women, we stand in our own way a lot of the time and our fears of being viewed a certain way is often what stops us.

 

Tell your partner what you need, show him where or how you’d like to be touched. Share with them what you want more of or less of. Experiment with different positions, make use of other stimulators – vibrators, dildos, massage oils – until you find what works for you.

 

Sex can be a beautiful thing, if only we were open to expressing ourselves and open minded enough to explore outside our comfort zones. This goes for both men and women, sex should be a mutually beneficial act. The focus should be on you ladies, not just his release!.

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