By: Natasha Archary
So you bit the bullet and gave into the age old, “happily ever after”.
Is it practical for people to view marriage with the romanticised idea that “for rich or for poor” is obtainable? Will the relationship last if you both hit a financial hurdle?
According to relationship therapist, Aimee Hartstein, the first year of a relationship, marriage especially is the hardest. Financial difficulties aside, some of the reasons couples split are due to immense pressure to stay put and make it work.
These are some of the reasons happily ever after may not exist anymore:
“Schedule clashes”
Before you were married you had to schedule dates onto your calendars or have the PAs check your next available weekend. For some strange reason, you thought this would be a thing of the past once you were married because surely this means you’ll now have more time together. Highly unlikely. Chances are you’re both still career driven and ambitious and that global brand or JSE-listed company is not going to run itself into the stratosphere.
“Happily ever in debt”
So your picture perfect wedding expenses did not magically disappear after the big day huh? Imagine that. The debt incurred from a wedding can have a negative impact on a newly wed couple’s dreams. The exorbitant repayment plan for your fairytale wedding means that you have to out off moving into your dream castle – ahem – dream home does it? Why did you have to fork out your entire life’s savings on just one day?
Also read: Point of View: Why it is important for you to heal first before getting into a marriage
“It’s your turn!”
Daily responsiblities and chores are usually the number one reason newly weds argue. Dirty socks thrown on the bathroom floor, not clearing away last night’s dishes and finding common ground on whose turn it is to take care of supper are all trivial annoyances that, when piled up, leave little room for you to see eye to eye.
“Two become one”
You’re no longer your own person. You can’t do things solo, regardless of how independent you are ladies. You will need to entwine your lives as one. Attending family functions and holidays together, often splitting time evenly. How else do you please everyone? This can be stressful and takes a toll on newly wed heaven. You’ll find yourselves arguing about which side of the family you prioritise and, honestly, when family is involved, things can get nasty.
“Unpredictability”
In a fantasy world, you wouldn’t need to worry about finances or contracts not being renewed. In reality, we live in a volatile economy and the uncertainity of your financial security could add further stress onto your already pressured first year as husband and wife.
“Eager to start a family”
It’s a beautiful moment to decide to start a family with the person you are destined to be with. Just don’t do it in the first year of marriage. You’re both still trying to fit into each other’s lives. Finding equilibrium within your love to accommodate all the little things that irk you about your partner is all the pressure you need in the first year. Don’t throw a baby into the mix of already hot waters.
“Not so intimate”
It’s not easy juggling all of the above and still maintaining a healthy sex life. Some couples even fight about sex. The frequency or lack of. The routine it’s become, not being spontaneous enough. No longer experimenting, wanting more. It’s a really slippery slope of confusion with regards to intimacy and sex during the first year.
If you’re struggling to make it through the first 365 days, give yourself a break, you’re not alone. It’s not a sign that your marriage is doomed. It’s perfectly normal but don’t use your marriage as a scapegoat to test the waters of what is okay and what isn’t either. As long as you’re both working on the issues together, you should be fine.
Also read: 7 reasons the fairy-tale happily-ever-after, is a flawed concept
