After years of being supported by her fiancé, anonymous is torn between helping her hardworking parents and refusing to bail out a mother-in-law whose debt stems from poor financial choices.
Zuko Komisa
Anonymous is facing a tough financial and emotional conflict: she wants to help her own struggling but hardworking parents, but refuses to bail out her mother-in-law, whose debt stems from impulsive spending.
She is deeply grateful to her fiancé, who financially supported her through three years of unemployment, but she fears that giving money to his mother will only enable bad habits and derail their own plans to buy a home and fund their siblings’ education.
Her dilemma is deciding whether setting this boundary is a healthy, logical choice or a hypocritical double standard, and whether she must unfairly withhold help from her own deserving parents just to maintain a false sense of equality in her relationship.
“Uncle T, after three years of unemployment, I recently started a well-paying job. During that time, my fiance was incredible. He paid lobola, remained faithful, covered my car payments, helped settle my debts, and stood by me.
We also welcomed our beautiful daughter. We’ve always joked that if we won the lottery, we’d help our parents become debt-free. My parents are unemployed, but they’re doing everything they can. My father built rental rooms to create an income, and they’re steadily paying off the bond. My in-laws’ situation is different. My mother-in-law works, but she’s buried in debt because of poor financial decisions and impulsive spending.
My retired father-in-law receives a good pension but doesn’t contribute much, and he loves his bottle. Now that I’m bringing in more than my partner, we’re using this extra to save up for our wedding and possibly our first home. The only thing I’m struggling with is helping my mother-in-law. I don’t believe money will solve her problems-I think she’ll simply create more debt. My partner finds it difficult to set boundaries with her, and I’m worried we’d end up enabling her.
At the same time, we’ve both committed to funding education for our younger siblings, they both in grade 10, because we believe that’ll be an investment in their future. My wanting to help my parents but not rescue my mother-in-law, with reason, is it double standards? If financial help is likely to enable someone’s behaviour rather than change it, is saying no the more loving choice? And if I choose not to help his parents, should I also avoid helping mine to keep things fair?
– Anonymous”
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