By Zuko Komisa
The terms Blesser-Blessee gained prominence in the early 2000’s as a description for an intergenerational and transactional relationship. In a way, it replaced the terms of sugar daddy or sugar mommy. In recent years, documentaries and books have looked to document people that have lived these experiences.
Unpacking Intergenerational and Transactional relationship
Authors Jackie Phamotse (Bare & Sheltered Innocence) and Alfie Phokobye (Blessers & Side Chicks) joined #SidebarWithSindi to explore the phenomenon of intergenerational and transactional relationships.
“In what I find as I write all these books and I speak to a lot of young people in Universities, there’s always a concept of male and female, which is husband and wife agreeing for the husband to go find a young lamb to strengthen their marriage. Especially when there’s issues of continuous infidelities. The wife would give permission to go find someone that would help and assist their marriage, whether sexually or just for entertainment, this way the wife is not pressured to do anything.”
Jackie Phamotse who wrote the page-turner Bare & Bare The Cradle of the Hockey Club spoke about her experiences dating a wealthy businessman. She affirms that girls that find themselves in such relations aren’t necessarily those that come from backgrounds that force them to be in these relationships.
“Even if you not from a background that forces you to be in these relationships, it’s also self-esteem issues. You get to a metropolitan city and you see all these lights and feel so insecure, and you want to be part of the click. you find yourself wanting to be seen with certain people, and then you realise that you can actually get more out of it. ” She says it’s not always the intention to be in a transactional relationship but just to be part of the inner circle, with self-esteem issues contributing to people looking for affirmation and validation.
Listen to the full conversation here:
Type of Relationship intergenerational and transactional
Alfie Phokobye, author of Blessers & Side Chicks says these type of relationships happen a lot in hotspots around the city.
“Some of these girls, sadly enough are actually encouraged by friends, relatives, and the family to do these things. In areas like Midrand, it is a lifestyle. In Sandton it’s more fun, quick cash, basically a hub of where it happens. I have heard that now they are moving to Hyde Park, it is very sad.”
Afopolitans shared their opinions about the topic and some of their own experiences with intergenerational and transactional relationships.