By Zuko Komisa
The attitude a makoti should have when entering into a marriage.
With the new year upon us, the possibilities are endless and being a makoti could just be the next chapter for someone lucky.
According to African tradition, ukukotiza serves as the bride’s “induction time” into marriage and its obligations while she gets to know her future in-laws.
The makoti would typically be required to undertake “bridal tasks” that are domestic in nature.
The journey to be a makoti is long-term in most instances, as you will be required to carry out those responsibilities at family events like weddings and funerals.
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Point of View with Phemelo Motene spoke to marriage counsellor Magauta Zwane about the kind of attitude a makoti should have when entering into a marriage.
LISTEN TO THE FULL CONVERSATION HERE:
“The Office of Makoti”
“What I have found in a lot of my consultations is that young women do not know what the office of makoti entails, all that they know is the abuse that comes with it.”
“So they walk in already armed, they walk in already extremely defensive, and half the time they are not even fighting their own battles. They tend to fight battles they saw their mothers struggle with growing up,” said Magauta Zwane.
“Don’t treat marriage and men as something fragile”
“People sometimes treat marriage, and men as things that are extremely fragile, men are not as fragile as we are made to think. Here is the thing, back home and my husband’s home, those two families are just normal families, there is nothing extraordinary about my family, and his family, my husband grew up in reality. “
“Certain narrative we have are not close to reality.” says Magauta Zwane.
“Invest in premarital counselling”
“Find a good counsellor, even if they do it in church, and add on to that with a professional marriage counsellor who will sit you down and say ‘have you looked into this’, do you understand where this person is coming from?”
“Do you understand their values where they come from?”said Magauta Zwane.
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