By Zuko Komisa
Is a big age gap between partners still an issue?
Relationships with significant generation gaps can be challenging to manage.
Age differences don’t matter to some partners; however, they do to others.
Age gaps can affect a couple’s relationship as they move between different life phases, such as parenthood, raising teenagers, empty nesting, and retirement.
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Point of View of Phemelo Motene spoke to marriage counsellors Nhlanhla and Magauta Zwane about how to navigate age gaps within a relationship.
LISTEN TO THE FULL CONVERSATION HERE:
PART 1
PART 2
‘The right ingredients must be in place’
“I believe and have seen age gaps work when the ingredients are. For example, let’s say I am 40, but my development is as at 20 emotionally, and I meet a 20-year-old, we are going to get along, and we are going to click.”
“Everything will be fine because I am an adult with a child. If wisdom kicks in and we develop each other and are fully loyal and committed to each other, we will make it to the other side.” says Nhlanhla.
‘When couples have sex, the age gap cancels itself out’
“The minute you have sex with a person, you are bringing them up to your age. They no longer become the girl you are 20 years their senior. But the problem then becomes when things become complicated, as relationships tend to be, men tend to remember they are older than woman.” says Magauta.
‘Mind the barriers’
“What drives couples is how deep they are into each other, as they do a marriage together they are forging forward to find each other so that they can get into each other.
But then there are barriers, barriers are those cultural things that come in as age, and even biological things come into play. Age has its own language… when those things that come with age start, we begin to see the cracks in this relationship.” says Nhlanhla.
They also discussed the significance of keeping in mind that a couple with a significant age gap will need to support one another as they explore their identity outside of the relationship and the stress that comes with all the coming changes as they get older.
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