Katlego Sekhu
Today’s Blind Spot is Vat en Sit. Are you in, or are you out? Is the idea of marriage before cohabitation one that you still hold in high regard, or do you think it’s okay to live with your lover?
Anonymous has grown frustrated with her partner, who promised to marry her a year into their cohabitation. Seven years later, he still hasn’t done right by her.
“I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for over seven years. In those seven years, we have been in a vat en sit situation. The initial plan was that we would cohabit for a year, and if it worked, he would pay lobola. However, he has now changed his tune and says we must not fix what is not broken. I don’t agree with vat en sit. I didn’t sign up for this,” shared Anonymous.
“I have already been doing it longer than I wanted to, and whenever my family wants to come over, I have made all kinds of excuses, and I am tired. So I have given my boyfriend an ultimatum: if by this December he has not done the right thing, I am moving back home. I hate that it has come to this, but what other options do I have? Please advise.”
Kaya 959 listeners weigh in on Anonymous’s dilemma:
A listener says Anonymous must just put her reputation first and move back home. “He is not going to pay Lobola because he is enjoying all the perks without even marrying you. Finds someone who knows your worth,” she advised.
Another listener shares the same sentiments. “My only worry is that they have been living together for so many years and he might go out and marry someone else. There is no shame in moving back home,” the listener pointed out.
One listener believes they shouldn’t have tried vat n sit in the first place.”If you give a man an ultimatum, you must know he will fail to meet the deadline. You will be the one who is frustrated because he will watch you break down emotionally.” said the listener.
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