fb
  • home Home
  • keyboard_arrow_right The Blind Spot
  • keyboard_arrow_right Posts
  • keyboard_arrow_right‘The next time we’re with my friends, am I going to watch where his eyes go?’ – The Blind Spot

‘The next time we’re with my friends, am I going to watch where his eyes go?’ – The Blind Spot

Anonymous’s dilemma centers on the unsettling psychological shift caused by her boyfriend’s casual remark that her friends fit his usual physical type.

By Zuko Komisa

Image | Adobe Stock

Honestly, Anonymous’s situation is so relatable because of that sudden emotional whiplash.

Things were going great, and then out of nowhere, her boyfriend drops this totally unnecessary comment about her friends fitting his usual physical type.

Even though finding other people attractive is completely normal, actually telling your partner that her friends are your type is such a classic foot-in-mouth moment.

It’s a super common relational trap where someone shares an unfiltered thought that serves zero positive purpose, instantly planting seeds of doubt and turning totally innocent hangouts into an overthinking minefield.

Here’s Anonymous’s story:

“Uncle T, my boyfriend told me my friends are his type.

I’ve been with my boyfriend for six months and, honestly, I’ve been keeping my man to myself. Apart from my sister and best friend, nobody really knew about him. This past weekend, one of my closest friends got married, and I decided it was finally time to introduce him to my circle. I was nervous, but everything went beautifully. My friends welcomed him, he got along with everyone, and I was actually proud watching him fit into my world. Then came the drive home.

Out of nowhere, he said, “Most of your friends are chubby … ke di-type.”

Then he laughed. I didn’t know whether to laugh with him or ask exactly what he meant. He could see the comment had thrown me, so he immediately tried to reassure me. He said he’s always dated bigger women, but being with me has taught him that size doesn’t matter; he loves me as a whole person. And somehow, that reassurance made things worse. Because now I can’t unhear what he said. The next time we’re with my friends, am I going to watch where his eyes go? If one of them laughs a little too hard at his jokes, will I wonder if there’s something there?

Before that comment, none of this had ever crossed my mind. He’s genuinely a nice and kind man. He jokes a lot and speaks his mind, so I don’t believe he deliberately wanted to make me insecure. But I keep wondering: why did I need to know that my friends are physically his type in the first place?

Part of me wishes I’d kept my man hidden a little longer! Because finding other people attractive is normal. But announcing to your girlfriend that her friends are exactly the type of women you would usually go for lands differently. Uncle T, am I being insecure or did he give me information that would make almost anyone uncomfortable?

– Anonymous”

Kaya 959 podcasts are available to download.

READ NEXT:

‘My grandfather shaped everything you see today’: The making of referee Akhona Makalima

Don't miss out on the latest local news, interviews and competitions.

Interests
Zuko
Kaya 959 Digital Writer
All Posts

More articles

  • MORE ARTICLES

    • QUICK LINKS

    UpComing Shows

    Connect with Kaya 959

    Facebook X-twitter Youtube Instagram Linkedin

    DownLoad Our Mobile App

    google play store
    apple app store icon
    Huawei App Gallery Icon

    Privacy Policy

    THIS PRIVACY STATEMENT FORMS PART OF KAYA 959’S TERMS OF USE POLICY. IF YOU DO NOT AGREE WITH ANY TERM OF THIS PRIVACY STATEMENT, YOU MUST CEASE YOUR ACCESS OF THIS WEBSITE IMMEDIATELY. 

    POPIA Act – To promote the protection of personal information processed by public and private bodies; to introduce certain conditions so as to establish minimum requirements for the processing of personal information; to provide for the establishment of an Information Regulator to exercise certain powers and to perform certain duties and functions in terms of this Act and the Promotion of Access to Information Act, 2000; to provide for the issuing of codes of conduct; to provide for the rights of persons regarding unsolicited electronic communications and automated decision making; to regulate the flow of personal information across the borders of the Republic; and to provide for matters connected therewith.

    RECOGNISING THAT—

    • section 14 of the Constitution of the Republic of South Africa, 1996, provides that everyone has the right to privacy;
    • the right to privacy includes a right to protection against the unlawful collection, retention, dissemination and use of personal information;
    • the State must respect, protect, promote and fulfil the rights in the Bill of Rights;

    AND BEARING IN MIND THAT—

    • consonant with the constitutional values of democracy and openness, the need for economic and social progress, within the framework of the information society, requires the removal of unnecessary impediments to the free flow of information, including personal information;

    AND IN ORDER TO—

    • regulate, in harmony with international standards, the processing of personal information by public and private bodies in a manner that gives effect to the right to privacy subject to justifiable limitations that are aimed at protecting other rights and important interests,
    1. Definitions and Interpretation

    1.1.“Personal Information” means information relating to an identifiable, living, natural person and where it is applicable, identifiable, existing juristic person, including all information as defined in the Protection of Personal Information Act 4 of 2013. 

    1.2  Parliament assented to POPIA on 19 November 2013. The commencement date of section 1, Part A of Chapter 5, section 112 and section 113 was 11 April 2014. The commencement date of the other sections was 1 July 2020 (with the exception of section 110 and 114(4). The President of South Africa has proclaimed the POPI commencement date to be 1 July 2020.

     
    1.3. “Processing” means the creation, generation, communication, storage, destruction of personal information as more fully defined in the Protection of Personal Information Act 4 of 2013.  

    1.4. “You” or the “user” means any person who accesses and browses this website for any purpose. 

    1.4. “Website” means the website of the KAYA 959 at URL www.kaya959.co.za or such other URL as KAYA 959 may choose from time to time.   

    1. Status and Amendments

    2.1. KAYA 959 respects your privacy. This privacy policy statement sets out KAYA 959’s information gathering and dissemination practices in respect of the Website. 

    2.2. This Privacy Policy governs the processing of personal information provided to KAYA 959 through your use of the Website. 

    2.3. Please note that, due to legal and other developments, KAYA 959 may amend these terms and conditions from time to time.  

    1. Processing of Personal Information

    3.1. By providing your personal information to KAYA 959 you acknowledge that it has been collected directly from you and consent to its processing by KAYA 959. 

    3.2. Where you submit Personal Information (such as name, address, telephone number and email address) via the website (e.g. through completing any online form) the following principles are observed in the processing of that information: 

    3.2.1. KAYA 959 will only collect personal information for a purpose consistent with the purpose for which it is required. The specific purpose for which information is 
    collected will be apparent from the context in which it is requested. 

    3.2.2. KAYA 959 will only process personal information in a manner that is adequate, relevant and not excessive in the context of the purpose for which it is processed. 

    3.2.3. Personal information will only be processed for a purpose compatible with that for which it was collected, unless you have agreed to an alternative purpose in writing or KAYA 959 is permitted in terms of national legislation of general application dealing primarily with the protection of personal information. 

    3.2.4. KAYA 959 will keep records of all personal Information collected and the specific purpose for which it was collected for a period of 1 (one) year from the date on which it was last used. 

    3.2.5. KAYA 959 will not disclose any personal information relating to you to any third party unless your prior written agreement is obtained or KAYA 959 is required to do so by law. 

    3.2.6. If personal information is released with your consent KAYA 959 will retain a record of the information released, the third party to which it was released, the reason for the release and the date of release, for a period of 1 (one) year from the date on which it was last used. 

    3.2.7. KAYA 959 will destroy or delete any personal information that is no longer needed by KAYA 959 for the purpose it was initially collected, or subsequently processed. 

    3.3. Note that, as permitted by the Electronic Communications and Transactions Act 25 of 2002, KAYA 959 may use personal information collected to compile profiles for statistical purposes. No information contained in the profiles or statistics will be able to be linked to any specific user.    

    1. Collection of anonymous data

    4.1. KAYA 959 may use standard technology to collect information about the use of this website. This technology is not able to identify individual users but simply allows KAYA 959 to collect statistics. 

    4.2. KAYA 959 may utilise temporary or session cookies to keep track of users’ browsing habits. A cookie is a small file that is placed on your hard drive in order to keep a record of your interaction with this website and facilitate user convenience. 

    4.2.1. Cookies by themselves will not be used to identify users personally but may be used to compile identified statistics relating to use of services offered or to provide KAYA 959 with feedback on the performance of this website. 

    4.2.2. The following classes of information may be collected in respect of users who have enabled cookies: 

    4.2.2.1. The browser software used; 

    4.2.2.2. IP address; 

    4.2.2.3. Date and time of activities while visiting the website; 

    4.2.2.4. URLs of internal pages visited; and 

    4.2.2.5. referrers. 

    4.3. If you do not wish cookies to be employed to customize your interaction with this website it is possible to alter the manner in which your browser handles cookies. Please note that, if this is done, certain services on this website may not be available. 

    1. Security

    5.1. KAYA 959 takes reasonable measures to ensure the security and integrity of information submitted to or collected by this website, but cannot under any circumstances be held liable for any loss or other damage sustained by you as a result of unlawful access to or dissemination of any personal information by a third party. 

    1. Links to other websites

    6.1. KAYA 959 has no control over and accepts no responsibility for the privacy practices of any third party websites to which hyperlinks may have been provided and KAYA 959 strongly recommends that you review the privacy policy of any website you visit before using it further. 

    1. Queries

    7.1. If you have any queries about this privacy policy please contact us by emailing [email protected]