Anonymous’ dilemma is the conflict between her husband’s resentment over financially supporting her son while the boy visits his non-contributing biological father.
Zuko Komisa
Anonymous’ dilemma centers on a conflict between her husband’s feelings and her own sense of fairness toward her ex-partner.
Her husband feels it’s unjust that he financially supports her son while the boy continues to visit his biological father, who is currently unemployed and not contributing financially.
This has led to her husband feeling resentful and burdened, believing Anonymous is giving her ex a “free pass.”
Anonymous, however, feels a moral obligation to her ex-partner, who previously supported their son when he was employed.
“Uncle T, when I met my husband, I already had a child from a previous relationship. We’ve now been married for four years. During the recent June school holidays, when my son went to visit his father, my husband opened up about something that’s clearly been weighing on him. He told me he feels it’s unfair that my son continues to visit his father, while he is the one raising and providing for him. My son’s father has been unemployed for a few years now and hasn’t been able to contribute financially. But I haven’t been hard on him, because when he was working, he fully supported our child. I never had to stress.
Now that he’s fallen on hard times, I don’t believe it would be right to turn on him or deny him access to his son. I asked my husband why this is coming up now, and he said he’s been holding it in but can no longer keep quiet. He feels like I’m giving my ex a free pass, while he shoulders the responsibilities. Part of me wants to say, “Fine, I’ll take full responsibility for my son,” just so my husband doesn’t feel resentful or burdened. But I worry that doing this might divide our home even more.
I also never want to feel like I’m at someone’s mercy just because they’re helping me raise my child. And honestly, my son’s father has been a good parent-he’s just going through a tough season. Would I be wrong to draw that line with my husband? Or would that just create more distance in our home? What could be my blind spot here? – Anonymous”
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