Katlego Sekhu
A frustrated listener recently opened up about her growing disappointment with her husband’s perceived lack of leadership within their family. She expressed that over the past few years, her confidence in his ability to lead has significantly diminished.
According to the listener, her mother-in-law frequently exerts control over their relationship, often having the final say and overshadowing her husband. This dynamic has left her feeling undermined and concerned about her marriage.
Seeking guidance, she reached out to The Best T in the City with Tbose for advice on how to encourage her husband to step into a stronger leadership role within their household.
“My husband and I met in 2021, and Lobola paid in 2022. We stayed together until December 2023. We just got married this past November, and I’m already questioning what the future looks like with my new husband.
“My husband doesn’t know how to lead this family or doesn’t want to lead it. For context, he’s Zulu, and I’m Pedi. I go to a ZCC church, and his family goes to eRoma (I say his family because he’s never once gone to that church while with me or even spoken about it).
“His mother said I should consider leaving my church to join theirs at our wedding, and this caught me off guard, especially since this was not her call but my husband’s and mine. If anything, whenever we’ve encountered problems in our lives, we go to my church for answers and overall direction.
“When we were home, I asked him what direction our family was taking spiritually. My husband didn’t have an answer. All he said was, “I must do what I want, and yena.” He will tell his family that their Makoti doesn’t want to leave her church to join the family’s church. But this is the very same church he himself doesn’t even attend.
“My husband is the quiet type, and when I raise my views that are different from his, he says I always want to have the last word. He’s afraid of having serious and sometimes uncomfortable conversations, and that’s not real life.
“How do I get this man to talk and lead as a husband because when conversations get serious, he walks out to smoke and doesn’t say anything else? How do I make him understand that he’s a husband now and has to make decisions for his own family? What could be my blind spot?”
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