Zuko Komisa

Anonymous is facing a dilemma stemming from her ex-husband’s recent remarriage.
For seven years post-divorce, she has communicated solely with her former mother-in-law about their children, a system that has functioned smoothly.
However, her ex-husband’s new wife is reportedly uncomfortable with this arrangement and wants Anonymous to communicate directly with her instead.
While her family advises cooperation for the children’s sake, Anonymous remains steadfast in her decision to continue communicating only with the grandmother or the children’s father.
She reached out to the Best T In the City to see what could possibly be her blind spot.
“Uncle T, my ex-husband and I have been divorced for about seven years now. Since we separated, I’ve always communicated with his mother about anything concerning the kids. This arrangement has worked well over the years. However, my ex got married in December. I wasn’t informed directly-my firstborn mentioned it to me, and later, my former mother-in-law confirmed it. I honestly didn’t mind that I wasn’t officially told, so I just carried on as usual.
Recently, though, my ex’s mother told me that her son said his new wife is not comfortable with the current arrangement, and she wants me to start speaking to her directly about anything concerning the kids. I made it clear that I would not be entering into such an arrangement. Firstly, I wasn’t even given the courtesy of being informed about the marriage.
Secondly, I find it disrespectful that I’m now being asked to change a working system to accommodate someone I don’t have a co-parenting relationship with. Why should I be expected to co-parent with the new wife? I told the kids’ grandmother that she’s the person I will continue speaking to. If that’s no longer acceptable, then her son will have to step up and handle things directly with me as the father of the children. My mother and sister think I should just talk to the new wife for the sake of the kids-but I refuse. Yes, when my kids visit their dad, the wife is there, and I’m okay with that. But I don’t owe her anything. Am I being unreasonable? What could be my blind spot? – Anonymous”
Listen to the full conversation here:
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