Katlego Sekhu
A listener has shared her discomfort over her husband helping his ex-wife find a job. When she brought it up with him, he explained that, because they share a child, his ex remains his responsibility to some extent.
While Anonymous says she understands this on a practical level, emotionally it doesn’t sit well with her. She has taken on the role of primary caregiver to the child, who now lives with them full-time, and feels that her husband’s ongoing involvement with his ex may be crossing a boundary.
Reaching out to The Best T in the City with Tbose, she’s asking: is she being unreasonable, or is there a blind spot she may be missing?
“Am I wrong for feeling upset about my husband helping his ex? A few weeks ago, I found out my husband is helping his ex-wife find a job. When I asked why, he said: “Whether you like it or not, she’ll always be my responsibility to some extent. If I don’t help her, she’ll remain a burden to us – and worse, to the child.”
“For context: they share a child who now lives with us full-time. I’ve stepped up – caring for the child since the ex lost her job – so she’s not actively parenting right now. And that’s where I’m struggling. I feel like me and our household should be his priority now, not someone he’s no longer with.
“Why should I keep carrying some of her responsibility while he still goes out of his way for her? He says he’s trying to help the mother of his child get back on her feet for everyone’s benefit. But to me, it feels like a boundary is being crossed – and I’m genuinely worried this could start creating distance in our relationship. Am I being unreasonable?“
To hear the full blind spot, listen to the podcast.
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