Katlego Sekhu
Anonymous shared that she and her wife had their first child as teenagers. As a result, her parents refused to pay for her university fees, so she had to leave school and start working to support them. After their second child was born, her mother-in-law wouldn’t allow the children to take his surname because he hadn’t paid lobola.
Before their third child was born, he paid lobola so all the children could have his surname. However, his wife’s mother still wouldn’t allow the children to change their surname to his because she felt he had embarrassed their family for a long time.
Feeling wrong done, Anonymous reaches out to fellow Best T in the City listeners to find out if there could be any blind spots he could be overlooking.
“Uncle T, my wife and I had kids young, she was 18 and I was 19 when we had our firstborn. Her parents were angry and refused to pay for her varsity fees, so I was forced to start working and forget about school. Three years later, we fell pregnant again. She was not working but soon after giving birth to our son we decided that she must go back to school, and I paid her fees. She completed her studies and after about a year. I paid lobola after we were pregnant with our third and last born.
“Both the first and second born carry her surname but we agreed that we would change the kids’ surnames once I have paid lobola. So, when our third was born I was surprised when she gave her her surname as well, but she said we would do a name change for all three at once and do a whole celebration. This never happened. I would later find out that my mother-in-law advised her not to change the surnames. In 2022 I sat my uncles down and told them it has been too long, and I am tired of fighting my wife so they must please call a meeting with her family so we can sort this out.
“My mother-in-law said the kids would not change their last names to mine because I took too long to do the right thing and I embarrassed her family. I then asked that only my son change his last name since the girls will get married, but my son is my heir but to no avail.
“This has caused such a rift in my marriage, I and my wife always had a plan, and we were clear on it from when we had our firstborn. Now that she earns more than me, I have become useless. I am so angry also because I allowed this to go on for so long, but I just wanted to see my wife do well and prosper in her career. I am tired of fighting, and I just want out. Am I being irrational? Our firstborn is 25 by the way.”
Anonymous
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