Katlego Sekhu

A listener shares that when she and her boyfriend started dating, she was working in retail.
Her boyfriend paid for her studies, after which she graduated and secured a better job. He recently expressed his desire for them to get married.
However, she feels she is not ready for marriage, as she wants to enjoy her financial freedom. She does not know how to break this to him without coming across as though she used him.
“When I met my boyfriend, I was working in retail. He used to frequent our store, and over time, we built a relationship. A few months later, he officially asked me out, and we’ve now been together for five years.
“After about a year of dating, he encouraged me to go back to school—and even paid for it. I continued working in retail because I didn’t want to take advantage of his generosity. I graduated last year and finally started working in the field I studied earlier this year.
“Things with my man have been going really well, and now that my career is starting to take off, he’s been talking more and more about marriage and having children. To be honest, I’ve only just started earning my own money, and I want to enjoy it a little. One of my biggest goals is to help extend my parents’ house. I want to do these things without the added pressure of being someone’s wife and mother just yet.
“My boyfriend is 10 years older than me. I am 26, so I understand why he’s eager to settle down. But how do I tell him I need a couple more years before we take that step? I don’t want him to think I used him—I didn’t. I never asked him to pay for school, but I am eternally grateful, and I genuinely love him. Still, I feel like now is my time to enjoy life and grow as a person.
“Am I being selfish for asking him to wait a little longer? I don’t want to lose him, but I also don’t want to be rushed into something before I’m truly ready. What could be my blind spot in all of this?”
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