The beauty of starting over: How to embrace a new beginning

Dr Linda Chipunza unpacks the fear of starting over, the pressure to keep up with peers and why making intentional decisions about your future can help you build a life that reflects who you are today.

By Mapaballo Borotho

Have you ever thought about leaving a career, a relationship or a space that no longer serves you, but something keeps on holding you back?

Whether it is the fear of starting from scratch, financial pressure, age or simply the comfort of familiarity, walking away from something you have known for years is not always easy.

However, life comes with different seasons, and sometimes, the life we once dreamed of is no longer the life we want to lead. While change can be uncomfortable and uncertain, life coaches say it is important not to let fear dictate the decisions we make about our future.

Kaya 959 spoke to life coach Dr Linda Chipunza, who says there is beauty in starting over, although she acknowledges that leaving familiar situations requires careful thought and consideration.

“It is not always that easy to leave the familiar. One needs to think carefully and examine their motives or deep intentions or thoughts. Career or relationships, people should learn to see how they can make things work. Being intentional about life does help. The individual might not be larger than the collective,” she said.

The pressure to have it all figured out

Your twenties can be a period of significant change, from navigating your career and relationships to figuring out what you want your future to look like.

It is also a time when you might find yourself comparing your progress to that of your peers.

Perhaps someone you went to school with has bought their first home, another friend is getting married, while someone else is thriving in a career they have always wanted.

And while you are genuinely happy for them, you might find yourself wondering whether you are falling behind.

Envy is a part of life, but it is important to remember that everyone has their own journey, and what works for someone else might not necessarily work for you.

Dr Chipunza says young people should step away from the pressure of competing with others and focus on finding a pace that works for them.

“I think it does help to step out of this imaginary race and select a lane that one can manage. The shoulder of the highway is not always a bad place to be. We all start over in different ways. Front runners today and tail end runners tomorrow” she said.

For young people who feel pressured to keep up with their peers, she says it is important to remember that there is nothing wrong with choosing a different path.

“One can also decide to be different. To be self-contained and focus on what matters to the inner self. Reflect on who you hang out with. Is that you? Being aspirational is good but the inner self must also come to the fore otherwise you will never be happy because you are not in your own skin,” she said.

How do you know when you have outgrown a situation?

Sometimes, the hardest part of starting over is admitting that something you once wanted is no longer right for you.

It could be a career you worked hard to build, a relationship you thought would last forever or a version of yourself you spent years trying to become.

But how do you distinguish between a difficult season that requires patience and a situation you have genuinely outgrown?

Dr Chipunza says leaving the familiar and stepping into the unknown can be frightening, which is why she encourages people to take time to reflect before making major life decisions.

“One needs to explain to themselves what they have outgrown and how they know that they have truly outgrown that situation, be it career or relationship. Big decisions should be scary and taken up cautiously and not lightly. In some cases, these decisions will affect others dear to us. We are not islands. Does age have anything to do with such decisions? I would say yes,” she said.

Her advice highlights the importance of being intentional about change rather than making decisions on impulse. Starting over does not necessarily mean walking away at the first sign of difficulty. Instead, it requires an honest assessment of where you are, what you want and whether your current circumstances align with the person you are becoming.

Choosing yourself without ignoring reality

While there is beauty in starting over, making that decision is not always as simple as following your heart.

Financial responsibilities, family expectations and the fear of disappointing people we love can make it difficult to walk away, even when we know we are unhappy.

For someone who wants to change careers, leave a relationship or pursue a different path but feels trapped by these circumstances, Dr Chipunza encourages them to speak to someone they trust.

She says talking to a trusted friend or life coach who understands your cultural background, values and circumstances can help you work through your thoughts and consider the options available to you.

She also believes that people need to examine what happiness means to them instead of simply pursuing what society says should make them happy.

“Definitions of happiness must also be explored. What does happiness look like to you? Who is responsible for your happiness?

What would a happy state for you look like? To achieve that, what would one need to do, would there be casualties along the way? Am I guaranteed of that happiness or is it only an illusion? Change is scary but at times we just need to be brave and hope for the best,” she said.

Her advice is a reminder that starting over does not mean disregarding the people who matter to us or pretending that practical responsibilities do not exist. Rather, it means being honest about what is no longer working and finding a considered way forward.

Ultimately, changing your mind about the life you want is not necessarily a sign of failure. Sometimes, it is an acknowledgement that you have grown, your priorities have changed and the future you once imagined no longer reflects who you are today.

Starting over can be uncomfortable, but it can also create room for new possibilities, a deeper understanding of yourself and the courage to build a life that feels more authentic to you.