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Celibacy in the modern world. Could waiting strengthen your relationship?

By: Natasha Archary


Whatever happened to traditional dating?  In the age where finding a warm body to keep you company for the night is as simple as a right swipe. Is there any merit in holding out until you’re ready?


The number of twenty-something’s choosing a celibate lifestyle are at the highest they’ve been since the 1920s. A study details that with the amount of time we’re spending online today, this leaves little time for personal interaction. Despite online apps like Tinder, Zoosk, Bumble and, 15% of people born in the 90s, reported not having a sexual partner since they were 18.


The no-sex policy

Reasons for many remaining celibate include fear of sexual abuse, equating a sex-free lifestyle with self-worth and identity, religious beliefs, previous failed relationships or bad experiences with sex and emotional health.


For many participants in the survey, meaningless sex did little for their emotional state of mind. Despite the decision to engage in sexual intercourse being mutual, that empty feeling afterwards is ego-bruising. Random sex and generic hookups, though fun in the beginning often ends with one or both parties questioning their sense of self.


The quest to fulfill some sort of void and finding that solace being intimate with someone only lasts as long as the euphoria from the sexual act itself. When asked, one of the common scenarios was that all communication ceased after sex.


Ghosting, even if the arrangement was a “friends with benefits” setup, was the biggest factor for many. Men and women included. Contrary to popular belief, most people do not want to be used for purely sexual endeavors.

Celibacy in the modern world
Celibacy in a modern world

Many think that being celibate means saving yourself for marriage. This may be true for some, but a latent desire to take a celibate route, could come from a past abusive relationship, a bad sexual encounter, rape, the search for spiritual enlightenment or for a number of other deeply personal choices.


In a previous post, we touched on losing an interest in sex. Asexuality is a factor for many who decide to remain celibate. An asexual is someone who is not attracted to anyone sexually. There may be romantic feelings involved, but this doesn’t mean that a person is now obligated to take things to a physical level and have sex with you.


Research alludes to youngsters missing out on sexual encounters before they marry. Claiming a life behind the safety of the online world prevents most in their 20s and 30s from experiencing physical satisfaction. Does this mean that celibacy does not strengthen your relationship?


Do we equate falling and being in love with someone to the level of physical intimacy that science claims we NEED to have? Or are we perfectly capable of loving someone whilst maintaining a celibate lifestyle?

It’s deeper than that

A traumatic sexual encounter and deep routed psychological issues around sex with the fear and anxiety it brings to many, should not be taken lightly. Whether a person is celibate for years or a few months, do not assume that you will be able to convince them to have sex with you.


Don’t lie to yourself or the person you’re with, that sex is not important and that you’ll wait however long that takes. Relationship blogger, Warren Pettis, shared his insights into the problems with dating women who are celibate. According to Warren, the longer a man dates a woman the more he falls for her.


He stresses that many men fail to understand why women choose to be celibate. According to Warren, telling a man you’re celibate is not enough. Men arrive at their own conclusions for your very personal decision.


Not that you owe anyone an explanation but he does have a point. A relationship should be based on communication and trust. If you are to explore the possibility of a celibate relationship, the lines of communication need to open.


If you’re not sure that you’ll want a physical relationship with the person, then this needs to be communicated.


“I’d like to get to know you and date you but I don’t want to have sex with you. Until I’m ready. Do understand that I don’t know whether I’ll ever be ready. And I’d appreciate it if you don’t force the issue or try to coerce me.”


Laying your cards out on the table ensures you’re both aware of the terms. And if neither of you can agree, it’s okay. It just means this is not your person.

Written by: Natasha


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Privacy Policy


POPIA ActTo promote the protection of personal information processed by public and private bodies; to introduce certain conditions so as to establish minimum requirements for the processing of personal information; to provide for the establishment of an Information Regulator to exercise certain powers and to perform certain duties and functions in terms of this Act and the Promotion of Access to Information Act, 2000; to provide for the issuing of codes of conduct; to provide for the rights of persons regarding unsolicited electronic communications and automated decision making; to regulate the flow of personal information across the borders of the Republic; and to provide for matters connected therewith.


  • section 14 of the Constitution of the Republic of South Africa, 1996, provides that everyone has the right to privacy;
  • the right to privacy includes a right to protection against the unlawful collection, retention, dissemination and use of personal information;
  • the State must respect, protect, promote and fulfil the rights in the Bill of Rights;


  • consonant with the constitutional values of democracy and openness, the need for economic and social progress, within the framework of the information society, requires the removal of unnecessary impediments to the free flow of information, including personal information;


  • regulate, in harmony with international standards, the processing of personal information by public and private bodies in a manner that gives effect to the right to privacy subject to justifiable limitations that are aimed at protecting other rights and important interests,
  1. Definitions and Interpretation

1.1.“Personal Information” means information relating to an identifiable, living, natural person and where it is applicable, identifiable, existing juristic person, including all information as defined in the Protection of Personal Information Act 4 of 2013. 

1.2  Parliament assented to POPIA on 19 November 2013. The commencement date of section 1Part A of Chapter 5section 112 and section 113 was 11 April 2014. The commencement date of the other sections was 1 July 2020 (with the exception of section 110 and 114(4). The President of South Africa has proclaimed the POPI commencement date to be 1 July 2020.

1.3. “Processing” means the creation, generation, communication, storage, destruction of personal information as more fully defined in the Protection of Personal Information Act 4 of 2013.  

1.4. “You” or the “user” means any person who accesses and browses this website for any purpose. 

1.4. “Website” means the website of the KAYA 959 at URL or such other URL as KAYA 959 may choose from time to time.   

  1. Status and Amendments

2.1. KAYA 959 respects your privacy. This privacy policy statement sets out KAYA 959’s information gathering and dissemination practices in respect of the Website. 

2.2. This Privacy Policy governs the processing of personal information provided to KAYA 959 through your use of the Website. 

2.3. Please note that, due to legal and other developments, KAYA 959 may amend these terms and conditions from time to time.  

  1. Processing of Personal Information

3.1. By providing your personal information to KAYA 959 you acknowledge that it has been collected directly from you and consent to its processing by KAYA 959. 

3.2. Where you submit Personal Information (such as name, address, telephone number and email address) via the website (e.g. through completing any online form) the following principles are observed in the processing of that information: 

3.2.1. KAYA 959 will only collect personal information for a purpose consistent with the purpose for which it is required. The specific purpose for which information is 
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3.2.2. KAYA 959 will only process personal information in a manner that is adequate, relevant and not excessive in the context of the purpose for which it is processed. 

3.2.3. Personal information will only be processed for a purpose compatible with that for which it was collected, unless you have agreed to an alternative purpose in writing or KAYA 959 is permitted in terms of national legislation of general application dealing primarily with the protection of personal information. 

3.2.4. KAYA 959 will keep records of all personal Information collected and the specific purpose for which it was collected for a period of 1 (one) year from the date on which it was last used. 

3.2.5. KAYA 959 will not disclose any personal information relating to you to any third party unless your prior written agreement is obtained or KAYA 959 is required to do so by law. 

3.2.6. If personal information is released with your consent KAYA 959 will retain a record of the information released, the third party to which it was released, the reason for the release and the date of release, for a period of 1 (one) year from the date on which it was last used. 

3.2.7. KAYA 959 will destroy or delete any personal information that is no longer needed by KAYA 959 for the purpose it was initially collected, or subsequently processed. 

3.3. Note that, as permitted by the Electronic Communications and Transactions Act 25 of 2002, KAYA 959 may use personal information collected to compile profiles for statistical purposes. No information contained in the profiles or statistics will be able to be linked to any specific user.    

  1. Collection of anonymous data

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4.2.1. Cookies by themselves will not be used to identify users personally but may be used to compile identified statistics relating to use of services offered or to provide KAYA 959 with feedback on the performance of this website. 

4.2.2. The following classes of information may be collected in respect of users who have enabled cookies: The browser software used; IP address; Date and time of activities while visiting the website; URLs of internal pages visited; and referrers. 

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5.1. KAYA 959 takes reasonable measures to ensure the security and integrity of information submitted to or collected by this website, but cannot under any circumstances be held liable for any loss or other damage sustained by you as a result of unlawful access to or dissemination of any personal information by a third party. 

  1. Links to other websites

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  1. Queries

7.1. If you have any queries about this privacy policy please contact us by emailing [email protected]