By: Natasha Archary
Your smartphone is always in hand, you take work home everyday, you’re always checking emails (even at the dinner table) and you never decline a call.
Taking your profession seriously is a great trait to have. It shows dedication to building your career and your perserverance to make it at all costs. But what if it’s taking a toll on your relationship?
Listen to the conversation on Drive 959:
Draw the line
It’s impossible to venture down every romantic lane to figure out where we’re going wrong in our relationships. But human beings are touch dependant. We yearn to feel wanted, desired, loved. Work, stress and never-ending to-do lists often mean we put our needs (and our partners’) at the bottom.
Not making time for your significant other and not prioritizing your relationship can cost you in the end because it shows a lack of interest.
Relationship experts have weighed in and have deciphered our patterns to reveal the following:
- “You’re likely always going to have some stress in your life, so the key is to create an environment that allows you to have some one on one time with your partner says Ian Kerner, Ph.D, a psychotherapist and sexuality counselor.
- “Men are performance-driven but not always gifted in reading your mind, so you have to communicate your needs, wants and expectations in the relationship. If you want more intimacy, say so as he may be clueless to understand the dissatisfaction in your eyes,” says Megan Fleming, Ph.D, New York sex and relationship expert.
So your unsatisfying relationship has a lot to do with your involvement, interest and/or lack thereof
Prioritising your relationship means putting away your daily organiser and bringing spontaneity back.
According to sex experts, many men cite anxiety about their performance as the main reason for less frequent sex. Most men maintain an erection for roughly three to five minutes, according to sex therapist Heide McConkey, this is normal.
No it doesn’t scream mindblowing and it’s not quite the Fifty Shades scene you’ve been daydreaming about all day. That we’re spending almost half our day at work, commuting to and from and then allocate just five minutes to our sexual needs is sad.
How often should we be having sex?
International research pins South Africans as one of the most sexually satisfied people in the world. Along with the Spanish, Mexicans and Italians, 66% of South Africans have orgasmic sex. How often is however an undetermined and yet vital question.
According to research by Playboy magazine, 18 to 29 year-olds should be having sex upto 112 times a year. That’s twice a week. The numbers decline with age unfortunately, which means that the average 30 to 40 year-old South African should be having sex only 69 times (see what I did there) a year. That’s about twice a month.
That’s it? Twice a month for a maximum five minutes? Research has been wrong before right? One would certainly hope so, although there have been extensive studies on married couples and the numbers don’t look too great. Only 34% of married couples have sex two to three times a week, with 15% having had no sex for upto six months.
Wowza. There are a number of reasons for dry spells and whether they admit it or not, every couple goes through lulls at some point. The key is in indentifying that there is a disconnect and doing whatever it takes to bridge that gap at all costs. Surely that mountain of work can wait five minutes!
Also read: When is it the right time to move on after the passing of a spouse?
