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Are you putting your sex life on hold for your career?

By: Natasha Archary



Your smartphone is always in hand, you take work home everyday, you’re always checking emails (even at the dinner table) and you never decline a call. Taking your profession seriously is a great trait to have. It shows dedication to building your career and your perserverance to make it at all costs. But what if it’s costing you in the bedroom?


Most people are reluctant to talk about their sex lives. That’s fair, some things should be kept private. But what if the only reason you choose not to divulge details about your bedroom activities is because it fails to live up to the ‘hype’. You hear your friends talk about their mindblowing marathons all the time and the most you’ve managed was a quickie in the laundry room while the kids were distracted by Peppa Pig.


You’ve had the longest day, riddled with queries, endless email trails, meeting after mundane meeting, deadlines for days, school runs and a crappy lunch at your desk and you finally get home. All you want to do is get through a dinner with the kids, survive bathtime, re-read “The three little pigs” for the thousandth time and get into bed.


But during dinner, your spouse/partner gave you “the look.” You know the one, that naughty glint in his eye is unmistakable. Ugh, how is he always in the mood? Bad day or not, this man is all fired up and ready to go regardless of how dishevelled you look.


“Not tonight babe, I have a monstrous headache and I still have a mountain of work to get through”


This has been your excuse for weeks now.

Sure you do your best to keep your work and personal life as separate as possible but it’s easier said than done.


Draw the line


It’s impossible to venture down every romantic lane to figure out where we’re going wrong in our relationships. But human beings are touch dependant. We yearn to feel wanted, desired, loved. Work, stress and never-ending to-do lists often mean we put our needs (and our partners’) at the bottom.


Sex experts have weighed in and have deciphered our orgasmic patterns to reveal the following:

  • “You’re likely always going to have some stress in your life, so the key is to create an environment that allows you to be sexual,” says Ian Kerner, Ph.D, a psychotherapist and sexuality counselor.
  • “Men are performance-driven. His ability to perform are tied to his failure or satisfaction in your eyes,” says Megan Fleming, Ph.D, New York sex and relationship expert.

So your unsatisfying sex life has a lot to do with your involvement, interest and/or lack thereof. It’s not just your partner that is to blame for the lacklustre, two-minute scheduled, missionary routine you get out the way once a week.


Prioritising your sex life means putting away your daily organiser and bringing spontaneity back. According to sex experts, many men cite anxiety about their performance as the main reason for less frequent sex. Most men maintain an erection for roughly three to five minutes, according to sex therapist Heide McConkey, this is normal.


No it doesn’t scream mindblowing and it’s not quite the Fifty Shades scene you’ve been daydreaming about all day. That we’re spending almost half our day at work, commuting to and from and then allocate just five minutes to our sexual needs is sad.


How often should we be having sex?


International research pins South Africans as one of the most sexually satisfied people in the world. Along with the Spanish, Mexicans and Italians, 66% of South Africans have orgasmic sex. How often is however an undetermined and yet vital question.


According to research by Playboy magazine, 18 to 29 year-olds should be having sex upto 112 times a year. That’s twice a week. The numbers decline with age unfortunately, which means that the average 30 to 40 year-old South African should be having sex only 69 times (see what I did there) a year. That’s about twice a month.


That’s it? Twice a month for a maximum five minutes? Research has been wrong before right? One would certainly hope so, although there have been extensive studies on married couples and the numbers don’t look too great. Only 34% of married couples have sex two to three times a week, with 15% having had no sex for upto six months.


Wowza. There are a number of reasons for dry spells and whether they admit it or not, every couple goes through lulls at some point. The key is in indentifying that there is a disconnect and doing whatever it takes to bridge that gap at all costs. Surely that mountain of work can wait five minutes!

Written by: Natasha


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Privacy Policy


POPIA ActTo promote the protection of personal information processed by public and private bodies; to introduce certain conditions so as to establish minimum requirements for the processing of personal information; to provide for the establishment of an Information Regulator to exercise certain powers and to perform certain duties and functions in terms of this Act and the Promotion of Access to Information Act, 2000; to provide for the issuing of codes of conduct; to provide for the rights of persons regarding unsolicited electronic communications and automated decision making; to regulate the flow of personal information across the borders of the Republic; and to provide for matters connected therewith.


  • section 14 of the Constitution of the Republic of South Africa, 1996, provides that everyone has the right to privacy;
  • the right to privacy includes a right to protection against the unlawful collection, retention, dissemination and use of personal information;
  • the State must respect, protect, promote and fulfil the rights in the Bill of Rights;


  • consonant with the constitutional values of democracy and openness, the need for economic and social progress, within the framework of the information society, requires the removal of unnecessary impediments to the free flow of information, including personal information;


  • regulate, in harmony with international standards, the processing of personal information by public and private bodies in a manner that gives effect to the right to privacy subject to justifiable limitations that are aimed at protecting other rights and important interests,
  1. Definitions and Interpretation

1.1.“Personal Information” means information relating to an identifiable, living, natural person and where it is applicable, identifiable, existing juristic person, including all information as defined in the Protection of Personal Information Act 4 of 2013. 

1.2  Parliament assented to POPIA on 19 November 2013. The commencement date of section 1Part A of Chapter 5section 112 and section 113 was 11 April 2014. The commencement date of the other sections was 1 July 2020 (with the exception of section 110 and 114(4). The President of South Africa has proclaimed the POPI commencement date to be 1 July 2020.

1.3. “Processing” means the creation, generation, communication, storage, destruction of personal information as more fully defined in the Protection of Personal Information Act 4 of 2013.  

1.4. “You” or the “user” means any person who accesses and browses this website for any purpose. 

1.4. “Website” means the website of the KAYA 959 at URL or such other URL as KAYA 959 may choose from time to time.   

  1. Status and Amendments

2.1. KAYA 959 respects your privacy. This privacy policy statement sets out KAYA 959’s information gathering and dissemination practices in respect of the Website. 

2.2. This Privacy Policy governs the processing of personal information provided to KAYA 959 through your use of the Website. 

2.3. Please note that, due to legal and other developments, KAYA 959 may amend these terms and conditions from time to time.  

  1. Processing of Personal Information

3.1. By providing your personal information to KAYA 959 you acknowledge that it has been collected directly from you and consent to its processing by KAYA 959. 

3.2. Where you submit Personal Information (such as name, address, telephone number and email address) via the website (e.g. through completing any online form) the following principles are observed in the processing of that information: 

3.2.1. KAYA 959 will only collect personal information for a purpose consistent with the purpose for which it is required. The specific purpose for which information is 
collected will be apparent from the context in which it is requested. 

3.2.2. KAYA 959 will only process personal information in a manner that is adequate, relevant and not excessive in the context of the purpose for which it is processed. 

3.2.3. Personal information will only be processed for a purpose compatible with that for which it was collected, unless you have agreed to an alternative purpose in writing or KAYA 959 is permitted in terms of national legislation of general application dealing primarily with the protection of personal information. 

3.2.4. KAYA 959 will keep records of all personal Information collected and the specific purpose for which it was collected for a period of 1 (one) year from the date on which it was last used. 

3.2.5. KAYA 959 will not disclose any personal information relating to you to any third party unless your prior written agreement is obtained or KAYA 959 is required to do so by law. 

3.2.6. If personal information is released with your consent KAYA 959 will retain a record of the information released, the third party to which it was released, the reason for the release and the date of release, for a period of 1 (one) year from the date on which it was last used. 

3.2.7. KAYA 959 will destroy or delete any personal information that is no longer needed by KAYA 959 for the purpose it was initially collected, or subsequently processed. 

3.3. Note that, as permitted by the Electronic Communications and Transactions Act 25 of 2002, KAYA 959 may use personal information collected to compile profiles for statistical purposes. No information contained in the profiles or statistics will be able to be linked to any specific user.    

  1. Collection of anonymous data

4.1. KAYA 959 may use standard technology to collect information about the use of this website. This technology is not able to identify individual users but simply allows KAYA 959 to collect statistics. 

4.2. KAYA 959 may utilise temporary or session cookies to keep track of users’ browsing habits. A cookie is a small file that is placed on your hard drive in order to keep a record of your interaction with this website and facilitate user convenience. 

4.2.1. Cookies by themselves will not be used to identify users personally but may be used to compile identified statistics relating to use of services offered or to provide KAYA 959 with feedback on the performance of this website. 

4.2.2. The following classes of information may be collected in respect of users who have enabled cookies: The browser software used; IP address; Date and time of activities while visiting the website; URLs of internal pages visited; and referrers. 

4.3. If you do not wish cookies to be employed to customize your interaction with this website it is possible to alter the manner in which your browser handles cookies. Please note that, if this is done, certain services on this website may not be available. 

  1. Security

5.1. KAYA 959 takes reasonable measures to ensure the security and integrity of information submitted to or collected by this website, but cannot under any circumstances be held liable for any loss or other damage sustained by you as a result of unlawful access to or dissemination of any personal information by a third party. 

  1. Links to other websites

6.1. KAYA 959 has no control over and accepts no responsibility for the privacy practices of any third party websites to which hyperlinks may have been provided and KAYA 959 strongly recommends that you review the privacy policy of any website you visit before using it further. 

  1. Queries

7.1. If you have any queries about this privacy policy please contact us by emailing [email protected]