Anonymous is caught between the family he thought he could trust and the realisation that his trust may have been misplaced.
Katlego Sekhu
Anonymous writes in about a decision he made early in adulthood about marriage. After watching his father lose nearly everything following a divorce, including the family home, savings, and eventually his health after a severe stroke.
He was clear: nothing substantial would ever be in his name. His apartment, his investments, his business assets. All registered under his mother, the one person he believed he could trust unconditionally.
For years, that arrangement felt like wisdom. Until a few weeks ago, when he discovered that his aunt had quietly taken out funeral policies on approximately 15 family members, including his mother and himself, without his knowledge.
When he confronted his mother, she dismissed it as normal family practice. But what unsettled him most was not the policies themselves. It was the realisation that followed: everything he has built legally belongs to his mother. If circumstances change, if she passes unexpectedly, if family dynamics shift, he owns nothing.
Reaching out to The Best T in the City with Tbose, Anonymous wants to know if there are any blind spots he might be missing, and whether the walls he built to protect himself have quietly become the very thing trapping him.
“Uncle T, I’m a 35-year-old man, and for most of my adult life l’ve lived with one fear: ending up like my father. When my father divorced, I watched that man lose almost everything. The house. The cars. The savings. I watched him move from being a respected provider to sleeping in a small back room, bitter and broken. What hurt him most was not even the money; it was the belief that he chose his wife over my own mother and still lost everything in the end. Then life humbled him even further.
“A few years later, he suffered a severe stroke. Suddenly, the same man who once provided for everyone needed 24-hour care, nappies, medication, nurses… and there was no money left. Watching that changed me permanently. I made a decision very early in life: no matter how successful I became, nothing substantial would ever be in my name. The apartment I bought? My mother’s name. The investments? My mother’s name. The business assets? Also under my mother.
“I told myself it was protection. Protection from divorce. Protection from losing everything to love one day. In my mind, my mother was the only person I could truly trust. For years, I felt smart. Safe even. Until recently. A few weeks ago, I discovered that my aunt – my mother’s sister – had quietly taken out funeral policies on about 15 family members, including my mother… and me.
“What shook me was learning that my mother knew about it the whole time. When I confronted her, she brushed it off and said it’s normal in families to help each other with funeral cover. But something about it unsettled me deeply. Especially because my mother herself never took any cover on me directly, yet her sister did. Now I can’t stop thinking. Why would someone insure that many relatives? At what point does “family planning” start feeling like people are calculating death? It gave Rosemary Ndlovu, stru.”
“And suddenly, for the first time in my life, I realised something terrifying: Everything I own legally belongs to my mother. If she changes her mind tomorrow… if family dynamics shift… if she passes away unexpectedly… I actually own nothing. And all of this is happening while l’ve finally met someone I genuinely want to marry.
“She is financially independent, successful in her own right, and unlike anyone I’ve dated before, she asks hard questions. Questions about the future. Property. Beneficiaries. Estate planning. Retirement. At first, I admired it. Now it terrifies me. Because I don’t know how to explain that the man she wants to build a life with technically owns almost nothing on paper. That my mother is the beneficiary of nearly everything.
“The biggest conflict came when I suggested an antenuptial contract. She immediately pushed back. She said she doesn’t want a “half-footed marriage” where one person enters already preparing for disaster. She told me love requires trust, and if we are going to do this, she wants us to be fully all in. That sentence has been haunting me ever since.
“Because the truth is… I don’t know if I know how to love without protecting myself first. Now I’m sitting with questions I can’t escape: Am I being wise because I learned from my father’s pain… or have I spent my entire adult life building a future around fear instead of trust? I didn’t want to repeat my father’s mistakes: what if I didn’t choose well? What is a man without money?”
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