Katlego Sekhu
A listener is feeling sidelined in his marriage after his wife’s growing involvement in her church.
What started as support for her faith has slowly turned into a source of tension, especially after she made a significant financial donation without consulting him.
While he respects her beliefs and generosity, he feels dismissed as a partner and excluded from decisions that affect them both.
“Uncle T, about a year into our marriage, my wife joined a church that her friend attends. Initially, had no issue with this. Over time, however, it has begun to strain our marriage. She spends most weekends at church and serves on multiple committees, which has significantly reduced the time we spend together.
“A few weeks ago, when the priest passed away, my wife donated R10 000 to the church. The issue for me is not generosity, or faith-it’s that she did this without telling me. I only learned about it through her sister, who was upset and questioned how I had “allowed” it. That was both embarrassing and painful.
“When I raised this with my wife, she responded that it was her money and that I wouldn’t understand because I’m not as committed to the church as she is. That response left me feeling dismissed, not just in my views, but in my role as her partner.
“l am not trying to control her faith or limit her generosity. But marriage, to me, means shared decision-making-especially when it comes to time, money, and priorities that affect us both. Right now, I feel sidelined in my own marriage, emotionally and financially.
“My question is not whether she is allowed to have her own beliefs-it’s where the boundary lies between personal devotion and marital responsibility. How do I assert that boundary clearly and respectfully without it becoming a fight or being framed as an attack on her faith. What might my blind spot be?”
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