Katlego Sekhu
A listener recently reached out to The Best T in the City with Tbose to share her heartfelt story of grief and family struggles. She revealed that she and her two siblings have different fathers, and her biological father’s absence has left her feeling like an outsider within her own family. Whenever she tried to talk to her mother about her father, the conversation would turn defensive and unresolved.
After completing matric, she chose to start a new life far from her family in an attempt to find peace and independence. However, her life took an emotional turn when she learned that her mother had fallen ill. Her uncles have now asked her to take her mother in, as her siblings are not providing adequate care. She finds herself torn—struggling with the moral question of caring for a mother who never fully accepted her and wondering why the responsibility should fall on her shoulders.
“I am the youngest of three kids. My two older siblings have the same father, and I have my own father. For as long as I can remember, my mother always treated me like an outsider. What’s worse is that my siblings knew their father, while to this day, I don’t know who my father is. My mom was always dismissive when I asked her about my dad and I remember before my grandmother died, she asked me to forgive my mom as my father hurt her and she was taking it out on me.
“After matriculation, I was lucky to get a bursary, and I was able to study far away from home, so I finished my studies. I would not go home much during the holidays; I would always opt to visit friends, and my mother and siblings never seemed to care. I have been living my own life away from them and have come to terms with my situation.
“In November, my sister called me, telling me that our mother was not well. I felt numb when she told me. Mother has gotten worse, and a relative called me last week and told me that my siblings are not doing a good job of taking care of her. She begged me to fetch her as I may be able to give her more access to good doctors in Gauteng.
“I am so conflicted; this woman did a bad job being a mother to me. Her favourite kids are not doing much to help her, and now I am expected to come to the rescue. I forgave my mother long ago, but I can never forget how I was left to figure out life alone in this world.
“I told them I would find a good facility for her where she can get good help from nurses and caregivers, but this was met with anger and accusations that I am getting rid of her. Personally, I don’t think this is the best solution. I will pay and ensure she is taken care of but I refuse to stop my life for a woman who does not know where I live, how my kids look, or what I do for a living. At what point do we hold deadbeat and toxic mothers accountable? What could be my blind spot?
Read Next: PICS: Celebs share back-to-school moments with their kids
