One conversation that is always ranging on it’s that of what comes first between lobola and the proposal. Reality is we all have a preference but if we look at things from our Africanism then lobola should come first.
But it doesn’t always happen that way, some men go down on one knee only to make the woman and her family wait years before paying lobola.
So, while most women appreciate the gesture of a proposal, they have also come to understand that it wont always translate to lobola.
As a result, instead of women getting excited over proposals, they now ask that men just send a letter to their uncles and the proposal can happen on the day ya mahlabiso.
3TSpoons on Why Lobola Should Come Before The Proposal:
Shows Real Intent To Get Married: anyone can propose at any given time but paying lobola shows that you really are serious about getting married.
It’s Our Tradition: Whether we like it or not tradition, sees lobola as a proposal not just to the woman but to her family as well. So, don’t be surprised if your families don’t entertain the ring on the finger, tradition doesn’t care about rings it cares about doing things the right way, not the modern ways.
Legalities:The thing about proposals is that they’re not binding in the court of law. So, should you breakup with your partner approaching the courts might not always help however if lobola is paid then the courts will be there to assist as customary marriage is recognised in South African law.
Image by Bridget Flohe via Unsplash
