fb

Your child and the art of “I’m sorry”

Father disciplining his daughter

By: Natasha Archary

 

I'm sorry

If there’s one thing being a parent has taught me, it’s that my “Super-mommy” powers do nothing to coerce my child at times. And that’s expected. Kids have a mind of their own and should be allowed to freely express themselves without correction.

 

But as they develop and the more they engage in social group activities, at daycare or playdates, you will soon learn the importance of good old-fashioned manners. It’s not just about please, thank you or greeting people politely. No. It’s about acknowledging that a hurtful action deserves an apology.

 

Is it a big deal?

Yes. But an apology only means something if the person is actually remorseful. Which is why it is not advisable to force your child to say “I’m sorry.” This will dilute the meaning of the apology and teach your child that negative actions can be forgiven as long as you apologise.

 

This means that instead of forcing your child to apologise every time they exude questionable or unfavourable behaviour, you have a heart to heart. Many parents don’t see the point. It’s not like a two-year old has the ability to understand you. I mean they can barely string together a coherent sentence.

 

According to Maureen Healy, author and expert working with parents, teachers and children globally, timing is everything. Setting kids up with a fixed curriculum that aids early childhood development, from the age of two to five is vital to help them understand and express their emotions better.

Kids and I'm sorry
Little people with big feelings

We’ve touched on just how overwhelming the big world can be for toddlers discovering everything for the first time. They do tend to imitate and pick up on our social cues. Watching and listening intently to how we communicate and interact with our surroundings.

 

If you’re the type of person who over-reacts if you misplace your cellphone, turning the entire house upside down trying to locate your device and yelling the whole time, chances are your child will want to mimic your behaviour the next time he can’t find his superhero action figure.

 

Catch the drift? This means you need to be an active role model for your children when it comes to expressing themselves appropriately.

 

Talk them through their feelings

There’s some evidence that shows children are able to show concern when someone’s in distress from the age of two. Which is an indication that children do not come into this world with anything other than trust, love and purity.

 

It’s what we as adults and their caregivers teach them that will ultimately define them. And truth be told, empathy is an emotionally intelligent skill that is difficult even for adults. So, to set this expectation on children is a big task.

 

All you can do is talk them through their feelings. If your child has an outburst or grabs something without asking as an example, it’s important to let them know that their behaviour is uncalled for.

 

“I know that you want your sister’s teddy, but you can’t grab it from her, you should try asking her if it’s okay to share. Okay? Because when you just grab something from someone it makes them feel sad.”

Kids I'm sorry 

There’s nothing wrong with your child

At the age of two, most toddlers go through a phase where if they don’t have their way, they resort to biting or pinching their peers, parents or caregivers. Relax. It’s a totally normal part of development and most children go through this scary shark phase.

 

They eventually outgrow this and learn how to communicate their feelings of disappointment, frustration and anxiety a little better with time. The key thing to note here is that there is nothing wrong with your child. Children are still learning and they will constantly be pushing your boundaries to test the limits.

 

You need to maintain a level of consistency and be reassuring yet firm in how you raise them. Teaching them that when you hurt someone’s feelings or do something wrong is a negative action. Explaining what happens as a result and how we move forward is the practical approach to this parenting algorithm.

 

There’s no point in getting worked up if your child refuses to apologise. Because this just teaches them how to react if they don’t get their way, from watching you. No one said it was going to be easy to navigate their little world but learn it you must.

 

Lead by example

A good way to start, is by showing your child that there’s nothing wrong with apologizing. On the days you mess up as mom or dad, and are running late for morning drop-off, acknowledge that your child is late to their teacher.

 

If you forget to warm up the milk to the exact temperature they need for their fruit loops, or forget to pack their unicorn toy for school, no matter how big or insignificant it may seem to you, realise that it affects their fragile little hearts and say, “I’m sorry baby, I forget sometimes. It happens. But I’ll try better next time.”

 

This way you’re teaching your child that when you let someone down, an apology is the human thing to do. It’s showing them that no matter how big you get, you have to acknowledge right from wrong. But that an apology only works if you really, really mean it, with all 10 fingers and toes.

    Don’t miss out on the latest local news, interviews and competitions.

    Don’t miss out on the latest local news, interviews and competitions.

    Receive the latest news

    Subscribe To Our Newsletter

    THE KAYA 959 APP NOW AVAILABLE

    DOWNLOAD YOURS NOW

    Copyright Notice

    1. COPYRIGHT

    1.1 The contents of this Website, including but not limited to its compilation and arrangement, is the exclusive property of Kaya 959, alternatively the suppliers of content to Kaya 959, and accordingly remain protected by South African and International Copyright and Trademark laws.

    1.2 Any person accessing this Website, may not, save for downloading one copy for their personal computers and solely for their private and non-commercial use :

    1.2.1 Copy, disseminate, distribute, advertise, publish, adapt, modify or in any way reproduce the contents of this website for commercial purposes, unless this notice and any disclaimer attached thereto is published in its entirety, or unless the permission of Kaya 959 is obtained in writing.

    Privacy Policy

    THIS PRIVACY STATEMENT FORMS PART OF KAYA 959’S TERMS OF USE POLICY. IF YOU DO NOT AGREE WITH ANY TERM OF THIS PRIVACY STATEMENT, YOU MUST CEASE YOUR ACCESS OF THIS WEBSITE IMMEDIATELY. 

    POPIA ActTo promote the protection of personal information processed by public and private bodies; to introduce certain conditions so as to establish minimum requirements for the processing of personal information; to provide for the establishment of an Information Regulator to exercise certain powers and to perform certain duties and functions in terms of this Act and the Promotion of Access to Information Act, 2000; to provide for the issuing of codes of conduct; to provide for the rights of persons regarding unsolicited electronic communications and automated decision making; to regulate the flow of personal information across the borders of the Republic; and to provide for matters connected therewith.

    RECOGNISING THAT—

    • section 14 of the Constitution of the Republic of South Africa, 1996, provides that everyone has the right to privacy;
    • the right to privacy includes a right to protection against the unlawful collection, retention, dissemination and use of personal information;
    • the State must respect, protect, promote and fulfil the rights in the Bill of Rights;

    AND BEARING IN MIND THAT—

    • consonant with the constitutional values of democracy and openness, the need for economic and social progress, within the framework of the information society, requires the removal of unnecessary impediments to the free flow of information, including personal information;

    AND IN ORDER TO—

    • regulate, in harmony with international standards, the processing of personal information by public and private bodies in a manner that gives effect to the right to privacy subject to justifiable limitations that are aimed at protecting other rights and important interests,
    1. Definitions and Interpretation

    1.1.“Personal Information” means information relating to an identifiable, living, natural person and where it is applicable, identifiable, existing juristic person, including all information as defined in the Protection of Personal Information Act 4 of 2013. 

    1.2  Parliament assented to POPIA on 19 November 2013. The commencement date of section 1Part A of Chapter 5section 112 and section 113 was 11 April 2014. The commencement date of the other sections was 1 July 2020 (with the exception of section 110 and 114(4). The President of South Africa has proclaimed the POPI commencement date to be 1 July 2020.

     
    1.3. “Processing” means the creation, generation, communication, storage, destruction of personal information as more fully defined in the Protection of Personal Information Act 4 of 2013.  

    1.4. “You” or the “user” means any person who accesses and browses this website for any purpose. 

    1.4. “Website” means the website of the KAYA 959 at URL www.kaya959.co.za or such other URL as KAYA 959 may choose from time to time.   

    1. Status and Amendments

    2.1. KAYA 959 respects your privacy. This privacy policy statement sets out KAYA 959’s information gathering and dissemination practices in respect of the Website. 

    2.2. This Privacy Policy governs the processing of personal information provided to KAYA 959 through your use of the Website. 

    2.3. Please note that, due to legal and other developments, KAYA 959 may amend these terms and conditions from time to time.  

    1. Processing of Personal Information

    3.1. By providing your personal information to KAYA 959 you acknowledge that it has been collected directly from you and consent to its processing by KAYA 959. 

    3.2. Where you submit Personal Information (such as name, address, telephone number and email address) via the website (e.g. through completing any online form) the following principles are observed in the processing of that information: 

    3.2.1. KAYA 959 will only collect personal information for a purpose consistent with the purpose for which it is required. The specific purpose for which information is 
    collected will be apparent from the context in which it is requested. 

    3.2.2. KAYA 959 will only process personal information in a manner that is adequate, relevant and not excessive in the context of the purpose for which it is processed. 

    3.2.3. Personal information will only be processed for a purpose compatible with that for which it was collected, unless you have agreed to an alternative purpose in writing or KAYA 959 is permitted in terms of national legislation of general application dealing primarily with the protection of personal information. 

    3.2.4. KAYA 959 will keep records of all personal Information collected and the specific purpose for which it was collected for a period of 1 (one) year from the date on which it was last used. 

    3.2.5. KAYA 959 will not disclose any personal information relating to you to any third party unless your prior written agreement is obtained or KAYA 959 is required to do so by law. 

    3.2.6. If personal information is released with your consent KAYA 959 will retain a record of the information released, the third party to which it was released, the reason for the release and the date of release, for a period of 1 (one) year from the date on which it was last used. 

    3.2.7. KAYA 959 will destroy or delete any personal information that is no longer needed by KAYA 959 for the purpose it was initially collected, or subsequently processed. 

    3.3. Note that, as permitted by the Electronic Communications and Transactions Act 25 of 2002, KAYA 959 may use personal information collected to compile profiles for statistical purposes. No information contained in the profiles or statistics will be able to be linked to any specific user.    

    1. Collection of anonymous data

    4.1. KAYA 959 may use standard technology to collect information about the use of this website. This technology is not able to identify individual users but simply allows KAYA 959 to collect statistics. 

    4.2. KAYA 959 may utilise temporary or session cookies to keep track of users’ browsing habits. A cookie is a small file that is placed on your hard drive in order to keep a record of your interaction with this website and facilitate user convenience. 

    4.2.1. Cookies by themselves will not be used to identify users personally but may be used to compile identified statistics relating to use of services offered or to provide KAYA 959 with feedback on the performance of this website. 

    4.2.2. The following classes of information may be collected in respect of users who have enabled cookies: 

    4.2.2.1. The browser software used; 

    4.2.2.2. IP address; 

    4.2.2.3. Date and time of activities while visiting the website; 

    4.2.2.4. URLs of internal pages visited; and 

    4.2.2.5. referrers. 

    4.3. If you do not wish cookies to be employed to customize your interaction with this website it is possible to alter the manner in which your browser handles cookies. Please note that, if this is done, certain services on this website may not be available. 

    1. Security

    5.1. KAYA 959 takes reasonable measures to ensure the security and integrity of information submitted to or collected by this website, but cannot under any circumstances be held liable for any loss or other damage sustained by you as a result of unlawful access to or dissemination of any personal information by a third party. 

    1. Links to other websites

    6.1. KAYA 959 has no control over and accepts no responsibility for the privacy practices of any third party websites to which hyperlinks may have been provided and KAYA 959 strongly recommends that you review the privacy policy of any website you visit before using it further. 

    1. Queries

    7.1. If you have any queries about this privacy policy please contact us by emailing [email protected] 

    Competition Terms and Conditions

    • The competitions are open to all persons over the age of 18 years; except directors, partners, employees, agents, service providers, and consultants of Kaya 959, the sponsor and all its subsidiaries and its holding company, if any, as well as all spouses, life partners, parents, children, siblings, business partners and associates of such persons.

    • The outcome of the competition is subject to the decision of the judge/presenter, whose decision is final and no negotiation will be entered into thereafter. Neither Kaya 959, sponsors nor their agents will be held responsible or answerable to any dispute arising from the competition or prize awards.

    • Participants/listeners enter or take part in competitions at their own risk and Kaya 959 bears no responsibility for any loss, damage or harm suffered as a result of participation in any of Kaya 959 competition.

    • One listener is entitled to winning one prize in a period of 3 months. Kaya 959 reserves the right not to award a prize if the listener has won a prize prior during the 3 month window period. This also applies to listeners who provide family or friend’s contact details.

    • Kaya 959 reserves the right to redistribute all unclaimed prizes if not claimed after 3 months after being given away On Air or on the website.

    • Prizes are not transferable and may not be exchanged for cash.

    • Finalists will forfeit their participation in the competition if they fail to attend the draws.

    • The competition will run during the period advertised on Kaya 959; entries received outside of the competition period will not be considered for the competition draw.

    • Kaya 959 and their sponsors reserve the right to cancel, modify or amend the competition at any time if deemed necessary in their opinion, or if circumstances arise outside of their control.

    • By entering the competition, entrants agree to accept these rules and to be bound by them.