Katlego Sekhu

A listener shares that when she and her husband started dating, he made it clear that he wanted a stay-at-home wife. So after they got married, she resigned.
She agreed and resigned from her job after they got married. However, after seven years, he stopped giving her an allowance and taking care of bills, so she decided to find a job.
Now that she’s working, he’s unhappy and wants them to go back to the old arrangement. But she’s enjoying her independence and doesn’t want to be a housewife again. She’s reaching out to fellow Best T in the City listeners to see if there are any blind spots she might be missing.
“I stopped working when I got married 7 years ago. When we were still dating my now husband would always tell me that he didn’t want a wife who worked and so after he paid lobola, I resigned. We now have two kids, and my husband has been providing as he promised but last year, he started to change a bit, he wasn’t giving me my allowance. I always had to remind him about household things, and he would always get annoyed so I decided to start looking for a job.
“I got a job in February and when I told him he was not happy at all. He said I defied him and broke the promise we made to each other, but I could see trouble brewing and instead of waiting it out I took action. He has been telling me to resign and that he will not make me ask for money ever again, but I don’t trust him. He still has not explained why there was a sudden change last year. I am not one to suffer. I am very capable of working and honestly, finding my independence again has felt so good.
“Yes, when he was giving me my allowance and doing everything, I had no issues but making my own money feels just as good. However, I don’t want to lose my marriage.
“He won’t be happy if I keep working, but I feel he can adjust. My work has changed things at home, I want to hire a nanny for the kids, and I know this will be a big issue. A two-income household is a lot better actually. The other day I poured a full tank in his car without him knowing. He said nothing. How do I make him accept the new normal? do I make him understand?”
Anonymous
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