Katlego Sekhu

A concerned listener has reached out to The Best T in the City about the lack of boundaries in their relationship. He expresses that his partner is the sole provider for her family, which is starting to take a toll on their relationship as she is unable to spend any money on herself. The listener worries that if things continue this way, it may lead to a breakup.
“My girlfriend and I met at work, and honestly, it was love at first sight, and we kicked it off like a house on fire. After a few months of dating, I realized just how dire things are for her at home. She is the sole breadwinner, taking care of her mother, two siblings, and their kids. We earn well; however, her circumstances don’t even allow her to buy a car or rent her own place.
I feel bad for her, so I try to help where I can. I have also been wanting to marry her; however, this situation stresses me out. Sometimes I wonder whether I can cope with it for the rest of my life. There is no way she can turn her back on her family; however, she needs to set some boundaries. Whenever her mother calls, she jumps. Even for things that are not her problem. I love my girlfriend, and I do want to marry her; however, her home situation is a lot for me. Especially since I come from a well-rounded background. Would I be wrong if I walked away?”
Anonymous
Mfundo Mabalane, our newsreader, counsels anonymously to voice his concerns with his partner. “This is something they need to fix before taking that big step. So, for the fact that he is bringing it up, he is on the right track by bringing it up with us, but soon enough, he must sit her down. At some point, she will need to be firmer with her family because the economy is bad.”
Tbose concurs with Mfundo, emphasizing that the solution lies in effective communication and boundary-setting. He adds, “First, have a conversation about how to set those boundaries, and then see if she can manage that. Sometimes, you will end up being a hero to your own demise.”
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