Katlego Sekhu
A listener shares that he has sent a letter to his girlfriend’s family, formally requesting her hand in marriage. Lobola negotiations are set to proceed, but there’s one significant challenge – his girlfriend wants him to adopt her eight-year-old son.
He feels this may be unnecessary, as the child’s father is still alive, and he doesn’t want to disrespect him. Reaching out to The Best T in the City with Tbose, Anonymous is seeking advice on whether there are any blind spots he might be overlooking in this situation.
“I sent a letter to my girlfriend’s family in December to pay Lobola. Lobola negotiations are coming up in mid-February. However, one thing is standing between them. My girlfriend has an 8-year-old from a previous relationship. I have a good relationship with him, and we get along well. Last week, my girlfriend said I should adopt her son legally and change his surname.
“This shocked me because the boy’s father is alive and present. I reassured my girlfriend that I fully accept her son and will treat him like my own, as I have been doing, but she says the only way she can be certain of this is if I adopt the son legally. I disagree with this. If his father were not present, then I would.
“My elders are aware that my girlfriend has a son, and due process will be followed. I also insisted that she inform baby daddy that we are getting married, so he is aware. This way, he may want to act to make sure his son has his surname and to accord him respect. We are talking about a boy child here. Am I wrong for not yielding to her demands? I can’t help but think this is beyond what meets the eye, and it is dampening my enthusiasm. What could be my blindspot?”
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