Katlego Sekhu
Anonymous is torn between chasing answers from a man who keeps disappearing and the family who never left her daughter’s side.
Anonymous is a mother to a teenage daughter. When her daughter was in Grade 7, she took the man she had always believed was the father to Maintenance Court, frustrated that he had only ever contributed R500 a month. In court, he requested a DNA test. The results confirmed he was not the biological father.
While Anonymous was still processing the news, his own mother encouraged her to look back at the timeline. Doing so opened up another possibility: an ex she had been involved with around the same time, sixteen years ago. She reached out to him, and he agreed that a DNA test was the right thing to do.
That was three years ago. The test still has not happened. Anonymous cannot tell whether it is money, fear, or something else holding him back. Meanwhile, the family of the man ruled out still shows up for her daughter, and one of his sisters has offered to arrange testing of her own.
Reaching out to The Best T in the City with Tbose, Anonymous wants to know if there are any blind spots she might be missing, and whether the answer her daughter needs most is the one a DNA test can give.
“Uncle T, I have a teenage daughter. When she was in Grade 7, I took the man I believed was her father to Maintenance Court because he had only ever contributed R500 a month towards her upbringing. To my shock, he requested a DNA test-and the results showed he was not her biological father.
“I was devastated. My daughter looked so much like him that I had never questioned it. While I was processing the news, his mother contacted me and encouraged me to revisit the timeline. As I did, I realised there was another possibility. When I first started dating him 16 years ago, I was also involved with an ex. The man I thought was the father knew this. After a month, I ended things with my ex and committed to him, never suspecting paternity could be in question.
“I eventually contacted my ex and explained everything. He was understanding and agreed that a DNA test was the right course of action. I felt hopeful that my daughter would finally get answers. But three years later, the test still hasn’t happened. Every time we arrange it, there’s another excuse. He insists the test is important, yet never follows through. We live 400 km apart, so I don’t know if it’s financial, fear of his current partner’s reaction, or something else entirely.
“Meanwhile, the family of the man ruled out as the father still maintains a relationship with my daughter. One of his sisters has even offered to arrange another DNA test. I’ve held off because I wanted to give my ex the opportunity first. My biggest concern is my daughter. For years, my brother was her father figure, but since he passed away, she often jokes about being fatherless. She says she’s made peace with it, but I can hear the hurt underneath. Whenever people talk about their fathers, she reminds everyone that she doesn’t have one.
“At this point, I don’t know what the right thing to do is. Do I involve my ex’s family and push harder for answers? Do I allow the other family to arrange further testing? Or am I focusing so much on finding a father that I’m missing what my daughter truly needs most right now? She deserves closure. I just don’t know how to help her find it.”
To hear the full Blind Spot, listen to the podcast.
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