Katlego Sekhu

Reaching out to The Best T in the City with Tbose, a listener admits that she loves her youngest child more than her firstborn.
She explains that her eldest reminds her of her father, an abusive and controlling ex, and she has been projecting her resentment onto her.
For years, she masked this by labelling the child as a delinquent, but after gaining clarity, she realises she has not been treating her children the same. This, she admits, breaks her.
“I’m a mother of two: a 14-year-old and a 10-year-old. People often said I was stricter with my eldest, and now that she’s a teenager, I can clearly see it. I always told myself it’s because she has behavioural issues, and I needed to keep her from going astray.
“But deep down, I’ve realised something more complicated: I love my younger child more. It’s not just about discipline. My eldest reminds me so much of her father-a man who was abusive, stubborn, and dismissive. When she ignores me, undermines me, or pushes boundaries, it triggers memories of that toxic relationship.
“Without meaning to, I project that unresolved pain onto her. With my younger child, it’s different. Her father and I had a healthier relationship, and because of that, I’m softer, more patient, more affectionate with her. The difference breaks me, but I can’t deny it. Uncle T, I know my eldest does have serious behavioural struggles, but how do I deal with her fairly, without letting my past with her father get in the way?”
Anonymous
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