Zuko Komisa
Anonymous is struggling with perceived favouritism and the collapse of the “reward for obedience” narrative.
Having always followed the rules, she feel betrayed that her son’s 21st milestone was ignored while her nephew, the child of a sibling who “broke the rules” was gifted a car.
This sense of injustice is deepened by her parents’ refusal to pass the old car down, which Anonymous views as a symbolic rejection of her son’s value.
Anonymous is grappling with resentment and emotional isolation, feeling that her lifetime of loyalty has earned her less favour than her sister’s perceived defiance.
“Uncle T, when my nephew, my sister’s only child and my parents’ first grandchild, turned 21, my parents bought him a car. He had done very well in his education, matric and at university, and this was their way of celebrating him.
My parents played a big role in raising him, since my sister still needed to finish with varsity and I have a great relationship with him too. 3 years later, and a few weeks ago, my own son turned 21, and he didn’t receive anything from my parents. That was unsettling and painful. But what made it harder is what followed.
My nephew has been working and has now bought himself a new car. So I asked my parents if the car they originally gave him could be passed down to my son, thus keeping it in the family and also marking his milestone in a meaningful way. I genuinely saw it as practical and symbolic. But they refused.
My parents said no child is entitled to anything, that this is not a competition, and that they love all their grandchildren equally. I felt dismissed, and sidelined. It felt like my son’s milestone didn’t carry the same weight, and that broke something in me. There’s truly no reward in listening to your parents.
I followed every rule, listened and obeyed, yet the one who broke the one cardinal rule enjoys favour. What makes it even harder is that no one around me seems to understand why this affects me so deeply. To them, it’s simple, the car was given, and that’s where it ends.
But for me, it felt like a missed opportunity for my parents to show that, truly, all children and grandchildren are loved equally. Now I’m left sitting with these emotions-hurt, confused, and even guilty for expecting that they might say yes. When we say love is equal, why does it sometimes feel so different in the moments that matter most? Was I wrong for even asking that the car be passed down to my son?
– Anonymous”
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