Zuko Komisa

Anonymous is wrestling with a significant dilemma arising from the prospect of marrying his girlfriend and moving in together.
While he loves her and acknowledges the logic of their cohabitating, he’s deeply uncomfortable with the idea of becoming a full-time parental figure to her children while his own children live primarily with their mother, whom he sees only every second weekend and during school holidays.
He reached out to The Best T In The City to see what could possibly be his blind spot.
“Uncle T, I’ve been in a relationship with my partner for five years. We’re both divorcees with two kids each. She lives with her children, while mine primarily live with their mother. My girlfriend and I are both doing our best at this co-parenting thing. Although we still live apart, she has been bringing up the idea of marriage and us moving in together a lot lately. I have to admit, she makes a lot of sense – and I’m not against making things official. But I’m struggling with the idea of helping raise her kids full-time while not raising mine the same way.
To clarify: I see my kids every second weekend and during school holidays. Moving in together would mean I’d be around her children far more than I am around my own – and that doesn’t sit well with me. I carry a lot of dad guilt. I have no issues with her kids, just like she has no issues with mine, but being a fully present figure in their daily lives while not being that for my own children really bothers me. It feels unbalanced. Would I be wrong to suggest we wait until our kids are older – maybe when they’re no longer living at home – before we take that step? Am I overthinking this? I love this woman … but I love my kids more. What could be my blind spot? Anonymous”
Listen to the full conversation here:
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