Getting caught up in an entangle-mess (ment)

By: Natasha Archary 


intimacy during pandemic


Whether you love them or have “memed” them, at some point almost everyone around the world brought up Will and Jada Pinkett-Smith’s “entanglement” fiasco. In case you’ve been self-isolating under a rock this lockdown, Jada admitted that she had been bedding family friend August Alsina for years. 


Smoke and mirrors 

And just like that one of Hollywood’s most admired, respected, and favorite celebrity couples’ smokescreen for perfect fell apart. Keeping a relationship spanning over 20-years intact and scandal-free in Tinseltown is no easy feat. The fragility of relationships in the limelight, lasting no more than a US Presidential campaign. 


Understandably so. The pressure these power couples are under to maintain near perfection must be insane. But Will and Jada seemed unphased by it. Solid. Cemented in their bond and family unit. Until a “Red Table Talk” – Jada’s talk show – where she admitted to a not-so-secret sexually charged, romantic relationship with August. 


While the couple remains adamant that they were separated at the time of Jada’s entangling, social media was up in arms over Jada’s deception and disregard for her family. 


An entangle-mess 

We’ve touched on relationships losing that oomph after a while. Where one or both of you may feel that the initial attraction fizzling out. Power struggles and disrespect seem to be the natural progression of relationships. And it’s easy to get caught up in the fallacy that soulmates are meant to be together forever, because it’s what we’re led to believe.


We’re programmatically conditioned into this notion that every human being is destined to be with one eternal partner. The elusive “happily ever after” we keep chasing or waiting on. But what if we never find them? In a world with billions, what are the odds you will bump into your soulmate, the one, while waiting in line for your favorite iced coffee? 


What’s the guarantee that the person you’re meant to spend the rest of your life with is just a swipe to the right away? Do we wait until our paths cross and sparks proverbially fly? Or do we throw caution to the wind and entangle our love lives away, because the person we’re with just doesn’t fuel our passion the way we need or want, no expect? 


Down the drain

Separated or not, it is not easy to untangle the pieces of a relationship or marriage that is hanging on by threads. (See what I did there?) Jada calls it an entanglement, to the average person, extramarital affairs are common but do not always end with you finding your way back to your spouse. 


Chances are your spouse or partner may not be as forgiving as Will Smith and love may not be enough to keep two people together. The odds of the separation becoming permanent are high. Especially if the partner in the “entanglement” finds a stronger connection from it.


One of the factors in the interview with Jada and Will, was that her reasoning behind it all seemed to center around her being unfulfilled as Will’s wife and mother to his kids. 


“I was broken and unhappy, and just needed to feel good again.”


It just sounded completely self-absorbed and immature, because holding someone else responsible for your happiness is selfish. And herein is the biggest problem within most marriages and long-term relationships; that we expect our partners to be responsible for fixing everything in our lives. For making us happy. Or giving us this unending feeling of utopia. That is unattainable. Unquantifiable. Intangible. 


Your happiness is something that is either innately a part of you, and which you alone are in control of. It’s not conditional on whether or not your partner can take you to the Seychelles for your birthday. We tend to base our ability to feel happy about what’s in it for us. What can we stand to gain from this person? How can they benefit me? What do they bring to the table?


Me syndrome

People who explore outside their relationships, seeking a thrill or some excitement, have a sense of entitlement that is uncompromising. They don’t view their actions as wrong and it is a behavior pattern that borders on narcissism. They will do everything to convince you that you’re the reason they stepped out on you. 


“I was unhappy. I was hurt. I needed to fix what I felt was broken.” 


“You weren’t paying attention to me. You didn’t make me feel loved. You didn’t show me how you felt.” 


In a viral video on his social media, Will Smith shared how he had an enlightening conversation with Jada on happiness. And how they both concluded that you cannot hold another person accountable for your happiness or your inability to just be content on your own. 


And so, they left each other to find that happiness within. 


One of the key takeaways from the “entanglement” was that many men were vocal that Will should leave Jada. A double standard that is perhaps a topic for another day. 


What were your thoughts? Share with us by tweeting @KayaFM95dot9 using the hashtag #KayaOnline. 




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