Katlego Sekhu
Anonymous has been in a relationship for almost two years with someone she describes as a genuine love. They have spoken about a future together and, until recently, she believed they were building something solid.
A few months into the relationship, she developed a gambling habit. What began as occasional betting became a full-blown addiction. She has accumulated significant debt, creditors are calling constantly, and people have started coming to her home demanding repayment. Her partner knows none of it.
She has hidden the gambling, hidden the debt, and made major life decisions, including changing jobs, without telling him. What keeps her awake at night is not only the fear of losing him.
Reaching out to The Best T in the City with Tbose, Anonymous wants to know if there are any blind spots she might be missing, and whether the truth, when it comes, will give him a chance to fight this with her or finally give him information she should have shared a long time ago.
“Hi Uncle T, I’m going through one of the hardest seasons of my life, and I need your guidance. I’ve been in a relationship for almost two years with someone I truly love. Overall, we have a good relationship. We’ve spoken about a future together and, until recently, I genuinely believed we were building something solid.
“But a few months into our relationship, I developed a gambling habit. What started as occasional betting slowly became something much darker. Today, it’s a full-blown addiction. I’ve accumulated significant debt, creditors are calling constantly, and some people have even started coming to my home demanding repayment. The hardest part is that my partner knows absolutely nothing.
“I’ve hidden the gambling. I’ve hidden the debt. I’ve even made major life decisions, including changing jobs, without discussing them with him. The lies didn’t happen all at once. They happened one secret at a time, until I woke up and realised I’m living a double life. The guilt is eating me alive. Every day I tell myself I’ll come clean. Every day I lose my nerve because l’m terrified of what happens next. I’m scared he’ll leave. Scared he’ll never trust me again. Scared that the person who loves me today will look at me differently tomorrow.
“At this point, I don’t even know what would hurt him more: the debt itself, the gambling addiction, or the fact that I’ve been lying to him for so long. So my question is this: How do you tell someone you love that the relationship they thought they were in isn’t the whole truth? And if you discovered that your partner had secretly built up serious debt, hidden an addiction, and made major life decisions without telling you, would you see it as a problem two people could fight through together?
“Or would the secrecy itself be the deal-breaker? And here’s what keeps me awake at night: Am I afraid of losing him because of my addiction…or because, deep down, I know I’ve taken away his ability to choose whether he wanted to be part of this journey in the first place? At what point does protecting a relationship become manipulating it? And if he leaves after hearing the truth, is he abandoning me when I need him most… or finally reacting to information I should have given him a long time ago?”
To hear the Blind Spot, listen to The Best T in the City podcast.
The National Responsible Gambling Programme helpline is 0800 006 008 and is free.
Read Next: 5 Facts you did not know about ‘The Polygamist’ Sdumo Mtshali
