Katlego Sekhu
Anonymous is caught between protecting her sister from heartbreak and wondering if she is the one causing it
A woman in her mid-forties writes in about a relationship she walked away from and a coincidence that has since upended her family. After her divorce, she began dating a younger man. She was 42. He was 29. The relationship lasted 18 months and was serious enough that he proposed. She turned him down. She was not sure she ever wanted to be married again. They went their separate ways.
Her younger sister, who is 17 years her junior, had heard rumours about the relationship at the time but had never met him. Anonymous had kept them deliberately apart to avoid judgement. In mid-2024, her sister travelled to Greece on a girls’ trip and came home talking about a man she had met and fallen for. She wanted her older sister to meet him before introducing him to their parents. They arranged a lunch.
The man who walked in was the same man she had declined to marry. Reaching out to The Best T in the City with Tbose, Anonymous wants to know if there are any blind spots she might be missing.
“I am the eldest of 2 girls at home; my younger sister is 17 years younger than me. After my divorce, I dated a young, mature man; I was 42, and he was 29. My sister was 23 when this happened. She was in varsity and only heard rumours about my “Bobby Brown”, and she judged me and cautioned that he was using me for my money. We dated for 18 months, and I made sure they didn’t meet so as not to face her judgment.
“He wanted to marry and have kids; I wasn’t sure I ever wanted to be married again, so I declined his proposal. Fast forward to mid-2024, my sister went to Greece on a girls’ trip and came back with a love interest. And that’s all she could speak of from her trip, about this amazing man she met. Before she could introduce him to our parents, she wanted me to meet him first. So we planned a meet-up lunch.
“Guess who walks in: the young man I declined to marry. And she could see that we know each other. It was awkward. I pulled her to the ladies’ room and told her who he was. To say the ladies’ room went quieter than a library is an understatement. The man then excused himself to give us space to talk. But before leaving, he said to me “Thank you for letting me go” and looked at my sister and said “I’ll await your call.” And left. My sister was torn and I am devastated for her. They had never met before this trip; he only knew her from the photos I showed him. So, I can’t even say he planned it. My sister called it off. She cried for days. Watching her heartbreak made me feel like the worst sister ever.
“A year later, he reached out and told her how much he missed her, and that it was only a coincidence that things happened the way they did. He wants her back. And curses the day he met me. And truly, I also feel the same. My actions are now denying my sister a chance at happiness. I don’t know what to do. Do I give her the greenlight? If your sibling met the love of their life and that person happened to be your ex from years ago, would loyalty require them to walk away… or require you to let them stay for their happiness?”
To hear the full blind spot, listen to the podcast.
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