Katlego Sekhu
A 41-year-old man writes in about a friendship that has lasted nearly two decades. He and three friends from university have been through everything together, weddings, divorces, retrenchments, funerals, and promotions.
The friendship he describes with Sipho was the strongest. When his father died, he was there. Three months ago, he found out that Sipho had been diagnosed with cancer. Not from Sipho. From someone else. Sipho had known for almost a year.
There had been chemotherapy, hospital visits, and a diagnosis serious enough to change everything. Not once had he mentioned any of it. When confronted, Sipho said simply that he did not want to burden anyone.
A mutual friend let slip that during his treatment, Sipho had been speaking almost daily to a colleague he had only known for three years.
Reaching out to The Best T in the City with Tbose, Anonymous wants to know if there are any blind spots he might be missing.
“Uncle T, I’m 41 years old, and I have the same three friends I’ve had since varsity. We’ve been through everything together. Weddings, divorces, retrenchments, funerals and promotions. If you looked from the outside, you’d probably call us brothers. Especially me and “Sipho.” For almost twenty years, he was the first person I called when life happened. When my father died, he was there.
“When my daughter was born, he was there. When my marriage nearly collapsed, he sat with me until three in the morning, listening to me cry. I trusted him more than anyone.
“Which is why what happened recently has left me confused. Three months ago, I found out Sipho had been diagnosed with cancer. Not from him. From someone else. Apparently, he had known for almost a year. Chemotherapy. Hospital visits. The whole thing. And he never told me. Not once.
“I was hurt. Not because he was sick. Because I thought we were closer than that. When I confronted him, he simply said, “I didn’t want to burden anyone.” That answer irritated me. For twenty years, I had burdened him with everything. How could he think I wouldn’t show up?
“A few weeks later, things became even stranger. One of our mutual friends let it slip that Sipho had actually been talking to another guy from work almost every day during his treatment. A guy he had only known for three years. How does a stranger become your support system while your best friend doesn’t even know you’re sick? Suddenly, everything started looking different. I started replaying our entire friendship. Had I completely misread it? Were we ever as close as I thought?”
To hear the full blind spot, listen to the podcast.
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