Katlego Sekhu
A listener shared that a year ago his wife paid lobola for him and they moved in together.
They are now living in the house she once shared with her ex-husband. He feels the home still carries traces of her past relationship and that his wife has shown no intention of making it feel like his space too.
Writing to The Best T in the City with Tbose, he expressed concern that his wife may still be holding on to her ex.
“When I met my partner, she had just finalised her divorce after a two-year process. A year into our relationship, she paid lobola for me, and I moved in with her. The house we live in now is the same one she once shared with her ex-husband.
“Since we got married, I’ve been asking her to get us new furniture – especially a new bed. I’ve explained that I want the house to feel like mine too, because as it stands, it still carries traces of her ex. But she keeps brushing me off, saying that I never complained while we were dating, and that this is her kids’ home, so they must be consulted before any changes.
“The truth is, I don’t feel like I’m enjoying my marriage. Every day I walk into a house that doesn’t feel like it belongs to me. We’ve been discussing having a child, but I wonder if I’d be wrong to give her an ultimatum: that we first renovate or make changes before we conceive?
“I can’t shake the feeling that she’s still holding on to the past, while all I want is for her to embrace me fully and allow me to feel at home. Am I being unreasonable? What could be my blind spot here?”
To hear the full blind spot, listen to the podcast.
