By: Natasha Archary
Earlier this week on Kaya Drive the team touched on parenting teenagers and as a continuation of that topic, this Thursday Sizwe broached the topic of parenting pressure. In relation to the trailer of the biopic on Serena and Venus Williams.
Will Smith will play the sister’s dad Richard Williams, who was so determined to have his daughters be professional tennis players that he wrote a 78-page plan mapping out their careers before they were even born.
Which sparked the discussion on parents living vicariously through their children and putting pressure on them to get into a career or study something that they want them to.
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Thu 15:13:43 to 15:26:37 Kaya FM 95.9
Parenting pressure
If we were honest as parents, most of us could relate to wanting to hit the CTRL, ALT, DELETE buttons and restart Day 1 on a clean slate. There are so many dated parenting practices that will not work today but which parents still resort to because it’s what they know.
Our own childhood experiences are projected into the way we bring up our own children. In an essay, “Recognising our hidden wounds,” psychoanalysts Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt, touch on the importance of recognizing when and how we slip into our pasts as parents.
As many Kaya Drive listeners pointed out, putting pressure on children as parents can backfire and drive the child further into rebellion.
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Kaya Drive: Parenting pressure and how it’s defining children today Natasha
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Kaya Drive: Parenting pressure and how it’s defining children today Natasha
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play_arrow
Kaya Drive: Parenting pressure and how it’s defining children today Natasha
When we react temperamentally to our child’s less than favourable behaviour, it’s an indication that it’s coming from an unresolved childhood wound. We can’t exactly blame our parents for doing things the way they did because, unlike the new age, the digital era, it was a far different time. What worked for them, almost always never works for us. Because the challenges faced are completely parallel.
This is where conscious parenting practices come into play and here 7 differences between traditional parenting pressures and a more conscious approach to parenting.
Cues of the traditional parent
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Main focus
Is on the child. With a primary focus on negative behaviour and stressing about corrective measures.
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Main tool
Discipline and punishment. Reinforcing the negative behaviour.
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Method
Control over the child.
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Majority of the time
The child is seen as an object
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Outcome
Strained relationship because of the ongoing power struggles and lack of a deeper connection. The child will often rebel and depend on consequences. It’s an endless cycle.
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Influenced by
Outdated parenting methods and beliefs. A troubled childhood and a lack of a relationship with your own parents.
Cues of a conscious parent
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Main focus
Is on the parent. On their mindset and state of calm.
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Main tool
Open and honest communication with their child. Building a connection of deep emotional intelligence and intellectual substance.
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Method
Introspection and self-awareness.
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Majority of the time
Parent and child learn and teach each other how they need or want to be loved.
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Outcome
A deeper bond. Parent and child are capable of identifying emotional triggers.
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Influenced by
Science. Research. Communication with their child.
