By Pretty Mashinini
New relationships can be tricky. From navigating your way through a blended family to surviving meeting the family. Figuring out when to use the “L word” is another obstacle a new relationship has to go through. So we asked a few Afropolitans here at Kaya House to share when they think is the right time to say I love you in a new relationship.
Uncle T aka Tbose Mokwele, The Best T in The City
When it feels like the right time to say it; there’s really no formula for these things. You have to ask yourself does it feel right, do you feel safe, do you feel secured enough to even tell them, do you trust them enough? Like Philosopher John Paul Sartre said, “when you tell someone you love them, you’re actually saying to the next person “ I’m willing trade my freedom and are you willing to trade yours” so “I love you” must be returned with “I love you too.”
What makes people a little bit unsure on when to say it is because they’re not sure if the next person is really ready to trade freedom. To trade off your freedom means you’re giving away one of the biggest liberties in life and you’re giving it to somebody else to have and to hold, and to control. You’re willing to do that, are they willing to do that? Should the answer to those questions be yes then you are ready to tell them that “ I love you”
Natasha Archary, Kaya 959 dating blogger
They say time has no bearing on love. You could be with someone for years and feel nothing and you could meet someone today and feel an instant connection. This doesn’t mean that you go around blurting out that you love people from day 1. I believe you shouldn’t say “I love you” before the first year you’re together. It doesn’t mean that you don’t care deeply about the person; it’s just that you’re testing the waters. Saying “I love you” too early is a sign of major insecurities and control issues.
It’s not something you just throw around for the sake of. Save it for when you really feel like you’ve met that person who sets your heart aflame.
Mosibodi Whitehead, Kaya 959 Sports
Anytime is the right time. Whether it’s the first day you see this person, it could be love at first sight. Some people are able to envision a future with someone just by looking at them. Or it could be after your first romantic night or after a while, for some people it grows even after they are married. Anytime, it is really all up to you.
Thokozile Sokupha, Student
Although there is no right time to say “I love you” in a relationship, it could signify different things at different stages of the relationship. Different people have different definitions/interpretations of the word love and what it means to them, but saying “I love you” earlier on in the relationship could most likely be mistaken for infatuation, simply because you’re still learning about that person.
Saying “I love you” after several years in the relationship would be more meaningful as you are now more familiar with your significant other’s character, their flaws and their personhood.
Christopher Baloyi, Kaya 959 Technical Producer
I don’t think there’s really a right time to tell someone you love them.Life is too short not to express your feelings; you don’t want to regret not expressing your feelings to someone. What if it’s something they want to hear and the feeling is mutual? But sometimes it is hard to trust the feelings when you’re not sure what they mean.
A usual response to “I love you” is “I love you too” but we’re never certain what the response will be when we express our feelings for the first time to someone. Not everyone will love or express their feelings at the same pace as you, your right time might not be the right time to the next person as people we’re all different and we love differently.
Being a very reserved person who prefers spending time alone and very restrictive with my space, I find it hard to let people in my personal space. I have noticed that telling someone I love them when I don’t mean it is easy but when I genuinely feel a connection with someone it is hard to say it for the first time. I would rather show them, which is something I personally need to work on, expressing more of my feelings.
I think anytime, is a good time, as long as it’s true. Holding ourselves to dating conventions that require us to play parts that aren’t necessarily who we are or how we feel just to appear “cool” can mess up a good thing. For millennials, the dating world has changed immensely and I think all that you can rely on is yourself, how you feel and the desire to do right by your partner. So what if it was too soon? You felt it, you said it, most people regret the paths untaken and words unspoken.
All in all there’s never really “a right time” to say I love you but it shouldn’t be rushed either. When it is “the right time” you won’t even think twice before you say it, it will organically flow out of your mouth but if you have to second-guess yourself and your partner’s reaction to those words then do not say it yet.
When do you think is the right time to say those magic words in a relationship? Tweet us using #KayaOnline
Real. Familiar. Memorable. Kaya 959 brings you the music you know and love from our playlist. Uninterrupted. Thursdays 20h00 to 21h00
close
He has held it down in the world of mid-morning radio with the best music, riveting topics, brilliant mixes and interesting guests. Every weekday, The Best T proves why he is the BEST by connecting to you like only your bro or favourite uncle could. He lets his listeners dictate the songs they want to hear in the ever-popular Top 10 at 10, and his Three Teaspoons never run out. Catch The Best T in the City Mondays to Fridays from 09h00 to 12h00.
close
Feel good about feeling good! That's exactly what The Feel-Good show is about. An escape from the negativity that surrounds us, indulging you in good feels. Pass it on to one and all. Spread the good feeling around Gauteng with Andy Maqondwana.
close
The world of business is simplified for you by Kaya Biz with Gugulethu Mfuphi. This fast-paced award-winning business show talks to the corporate giants as well as up and coming entrepreneurs about their wins and challenges. Gugulethu invites guests to offer their analyses of markets and economies, and also delves into issues of personal financial wellness. Kaya Biz airs Mondays to Thursdays 18h00 to 19h00.
close
Point of View with Phemelo Motene delves into the day’s current affairs, touches on real issues that affect people’s daily lives and shares expert advice on questions posed by the audience. Mondays to Thursdays 20:00 to 22:00.
close
THIS PRIVACY STATEMENT FORMS PART OF KAYA 959’S TERMS OF USE POLICY. IF YOU DO NOT AGREE WITH ANY TERM OF THIS PRIVACY STATEMENT, YOU MUST CEASE YOUR ACCESS OF THIS WEBSITE IMMEDIATELY.
POPIA Act – To promote the protection of personal information processed by public and private bodies; to introduce certain conditions so as to establish minimum requirements for the processing of personal information; to provide for the establishment of an Information Regulator to exercise certain powers and to perform certain duties and functions in terms of this Act and the Promotion of Access to Information Act, 2000; to provide for the issuing of codes of conduct; to provide for the rights of persons regarding unsolicited electronic communications and automated decision making; to regulate the flow of personal information across the borders of the Republic; and to provide for matters connected therewith.
RECOGNISING THAT—
AND BEARING IN MIND THAT—
AND IN ORDER TO—
1.1.“Personal Information” means information relating to an identifiable, living, natural person and where it is applicable, identifiable, existing juristic person, including all information as defined in the Protection of Personal Information Act 4 of 2013.
1.2 Parliament assented to POPIA on 19 November 2013. The commencement date of section 1, Part A of Chapter 5, section 112 and section 113 was 11 April 2014. The commencement date of the other sections was 1 July 2020 (with the exception of section 110 and 114(4). The President of South Africa has proclaimed the POPI commencement date to be 1 July 2020.
1.3. “Processing” means the creation, generation, communication, storage, destruction of personal information as more fully defined in the Protection of Personal Information Act 4 of 2013.
1.4. “You” or the “user” means any person who accesses and browses this website for any purpose.
1.4. “Website” means the website of the KAYA 959 at URL www.kaya959.co.za or such other URL as KAYA 959 may choose from time to time.
2.1. KAYA 959 respects your privacy. This privacy policy statement sets out KAYA 959’s information gathering and dissemination practices in respect of the Website.
2.2. This Privacy Policy governs the processing of personal information provided to KAYA 959 through your use of the Website.
2.3. Please note that, due to legal and other developments, KAYA 959 may amend these terms and conditions from time to time.
3.1. By providing your personal information to KAYA 959 you acknowledge that it has been collected directly from you and consent to its processing by KAYA 959.
3.2. Where you submit Personal Information (such as name, address, telephone number and email address) via the website (e.g. through completing any online form) the following principles are observed in the processing of that information:
3.2.1. KAYA 959 will only collect personal information for a purpose consistent with the purpose for which it is required. The specific purpose for which information is
collected will be apparent from the context in which it is requested.
3.2.2. KAYA 959 will only process personal information in a manner that is adequate, relevant and not excessive in the context of the purpose for which it is processed.
3.2.3. Personal information will only be processed for a purpose compatible with that for which it was collected, unless you have agreed to an alternative purpose in writing or KAYA 959 is permitted in terms of national legislation of general application dealing primarily with the protection of personal information.
3.2.4. KAYA 959 will keep records of all personal Information collected and the specific purpose for which it was collected for a period of 1 (one) year from the date on which it was last used.
3.2.5. KAYA 959 will not disclose any personal information relating to you to any third party unless your prior written agreement is obtained or KAYA 959 is required to do so by law.
3.2.6. If personal information is released with your consent KAYA 959 will retain a record of the information released, the third party to which it was released, the reason for the release and the date of release, for a period of 1 (one) year from the date on which it was last used.
3.2.7. KAYA 959 will destroy or delete any personal information that is no longer needed by KAYA 959 for the purpose it was initially collected, or subsequently processed.
3.3. Note that, as permitted by the Electronic Communications and Transactions Act 25 of 2002, KAYA 959 may use personal information collected to compile profiles for statistical purposes. No information contained in the profiles or statistics will be able to be linked to any specific user.
4.1. KAYA 959 may use standard technology to collect information about the use of this website. This technology is not able to identify individual users but simply allows KAYA 959 to collect statistics.
4.2. KAYA 959 may utilise temporary or session cookies to keep track of users’ browsing habits. A cookie is a small file that is placed on your hard drive in order to keep a record of your interaction with this website and facilitate user convenience.
4.2.1. Cookies by themselves will not be used to identify users personally but may be used to compile identified statistics relating to use of services offered or to provide KAYA 959 with feedback on the performance of this website.
4.2.2. The following classes of information may be collected in respect of users who have enabled cookies:
4.2.2.1. The browser software used;
4.2.2.2. IP address;
4.2.2.3. Date and time of activities while visiting the website;
4.2.2.4. URLs of internal pages visited; and
4.2.2.5. referrers.
4.3. If you do not wish cookies to be employed to customize your interaction with this website it is possible to alter the manner in which your browser handles cookies. Please note that, if this is done, certain services on this website may not be available.
5.1. KAYA 959 takes reasonable measures to ensure the security and integrity of information submitted to or collected by this website, but cannot under any circumstances be held liable for any loss or other damage sustained by you as a result of unlawful access to or dissemination of any personal information by a third party.
6.1. KAYA 959 has no control over and accepts no responsibility for the privacy practices of any third party websites to which hyperlinks may have been provided and KAYA 959 strongly recommends that you review the privacy policy of any website you visit before using it further.
7.1. If you have any queries about this privacy policy please contact us by emailing [email protected]
